• The time is now

    by  • February 29, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Acceptance • 3 Comments

    I am content. I am trying to be content at least. I’m determined to be comfortable with who I am. I can’t keep living my life not even being comfortable in my own skin. My life is pretty shitty lately, but it could always be worse. No matter how bad things are, they could always be worse. I need to start realizing I can’t rely on other people for my happiness. If I want to be happy and proud of whom I am, I need to take charge. I need to try to better myself for me. Not to make my parents proud, and definitely not to make myself more attractive to men. I think for the first time I can honestly say I’m not interested in a relationship. I mean idk. I guess I will always be hoping for something to work out in the back of my mind. But I’m not going to go around searching anymore. I’ve had enough strike outs. I’ve had enough let downs, and each time I end up hating myself a little more. It’s not fair of me to do that. I will continue to have fun, and stop worrying about what could be. I need to live in the present. I need to get better and be happier for me. Forget about you, for once in my life I am going to focus on me. I am going to go after who I want to be, I am going to accept my weaknesses for what they are and I am going to love myself with or without them. I am going to love myself with or without anyone else loving me. If I ever want to feel alive again, I will pull my head out of my ass and change things. Today is the day, I don’t want to look at my life 30 years from now and regret waiting for my life to start. I will learn how to be happy. I will learn how to love myself. And I will learn how to not give a fuck about what anyone else thinks of me. I am beautiful. I am smart, talented, and interesting. I don’t need a man to make me feel complete. I don’t need to change a damn thing about who I am. I’m done trying to impress others and making myself feel worthless when I fail. I have so much to offer to the world, and it’s time I start acting like it. <3

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    3 Responses to The time is now

    1. Natasha
      February 29, 2012 at 12:45 am

      Oh my goodness.. I literally just said exactly what you just said in a letter and although I don’t know you, we’re obviously going through the same thing and you need to know you’re a beautiful human being and I’m so happy you will start loving who you are because you deserve it I’m absolutely sure of it. Good job and the world is right there waiting for you 🙂 You’ll find happiness as soon as you let it


    2. Lady
      February 29, 2012 at 12:05 pm

      wow, you took the words right out of my mouth… i’ve been thinking these things for a while now… trying to work towards it but being lazy… now, reading this gives me a little bit of a push to work harder because I DESERVE IT! just like you do. i’m tired of crying because i feel i’ve got nobody’s shoulder to cry on… its a vicious circle when you think about it… you start crying, then realize you have nobody to cry to, then you cry more because of it, then it hurts more to have nobody to cry to, then you cry even MORE… and it gets worse and worse and you dig yourself deeper and deeper and its only unfair to yourself (you meaning the general public, not you specifically).

      whether we let ourselves believe it or not;
      we’re strong
      we’re talented
      we’re beautiful
      we’re brilliant
      we’re insightful – evidence being the fact that we can recognize these feelings and accept that its nobody’s fault but our own.
      we’re wonderful people deserving the best of everything, but we need to work for it because it wont just come to us while we sit around pouting
      we are fully capable of being completely independent
      we can be unstoppable
      we don’t need men (or boys depending on their maturity level, which is what i usually end up thinking they are after they screw me over)

      deep down inside – we are truly the people we desire to be. we can reach every dream we’ve ever wanted, no mater how unrealistic they’ve seemed because the truth is that we are the only ones holding ourselves back, when we have so much potential.


    3. catherine
      February 29, 2012 at 3:55 pm

      It’s nice to have someone to relate with this. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy and like I am the only one living in this big mess. I’m glad my letter gave you a little push. I think I might have to read it every day to remind myself that I disserve to be happy. It isn’t going to be easy, but we can’t give up trying, we owe it to ourselves to just give it our all.
      I totally get the boys reference too..Sometimes I don’t think men even exist. They are all just stupid little boys who will never really grow up. Well, most of them anyway. I’m sure there are some good ones out there somewhere. If I ever run into them, cool. If not, fine. I don’t need anyone else to complete me. Been there. Done that. Sick of that.
      If we were supposed to have someone else in our lives we would. I know this is a bit cliché, but you have to love yourself before you can really love anyone else. If you don’t love yourself, you will always be stuck in shitty relationships with stupid insecure little boys. And you will never be happy on your own.
      Screw that, It is time to focus on ourselves for awhile:)



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