Today’s one of those days that I kick myself for ever letting you know how I feel. Not that it was easy to hide after you made the first move; it would have been nearly impossible to avoid responding to something I’ve wanted for so long. You took me, and wrapped me up in a moment that you and I both wanted, but you failed to mention a few important factors. It was great for those couple of days, and I don’t want to wait so damn long for that feeling again.
Why did you have to do that?
Why did you show me how you felt, when you knew that you could make nothing of it at the time?
Why were you so inconsiderate of my feelings?
Why did you do it?
Today’s one of those days that I feel really crappy… for no reason that I know of… and I’d give anything to have that companionship… someone to be here with me to keep me company and be my shoulder to cry on when I need it. But no, you had to go and screw me over.
Sometimes I think that maybe you’re just like every other guy I’ve known, no matter what you say.
But guess what…
I’m going to get a new job.
I’m going to go back to school.
I’m going to meet new people.
Every time I think about these 3 facts, I get so excited. The thought of the new friends I’ll make and the possibility of finding someone as wonderful as you (without the part where you screwed me over) sends my mind to a place which is far brighter than where I am right now- between the never-ending shitstorm that has been raining down for months and months, and the periodic reminders of the fact that you’re not mine.
You probably noticed that I don’t talk to you as much as I had been… I was often trying to keep conversation with you, but now that I’ve backed off you’re the one who’s texting me, calling me, trying to talk about things with me, trying to be there for me. There come’s a point when a person can only give so much without getting the same in return. If you don’t want to open up to me, thats fine, but don’t keep telling me that you want to, don’t keep telling me that I can open up to you, don’t keep expecting me to tell you what’s going on in my life because all you’re going to start hearing is “I’m good” and “Not much”… because that’s all I get from you. Why did you think I would feel comfortable opening up so much when you’re not willing to do the same? Well, now you’re starting to lose your chance at something amazing with me because you want to have your cake an eat it too… but that’s now how it works. This is real life, not some fantasy in your head where everything works out the way you want it, even if at first it seemed as though it would. It’s funny how the tables have turned, when I never saw that happening. I’m pretty damn proud of myself.