Whenever I’m upset, as I have been often lately, you make me feel like it’s my fault. I’m the one ruining everything, pushing your buttons, worrying too much, accusing you of things. Clearly we don’t see eye to eye but these are all subjective matters. Both of us have our own opinions, and I (unlike you) respect that. Here are, however, a few facts that you cannot deny:
1. You cancelled last minute on three of our dates. For reasons that I still don’t understand.
2. When I told you that my parents wanted to meet you, you said you were too scared and didn’t want to. Coward.
3. You said that I am just second best until someone better comes along. Honey, it doesn’t get any better than me.
4. Three weeks went by and you didn’t kiss me, two went by and I didn’t see you, and one went by and you didn’t call. You had no explanation for any of those.
And lastly 5. As hard as I hoped things would go back to how they were, you got worse and meaner every week. I’m not putting up with this anymore.
I am strong. I’ll miss the way you held me while I slept, the way you kissed my neck, the look in your eyes when you told me, “God you’re so beautiful.” I’ll miss you holding my hand and the way you laughed when I said something really really funny. Admittedly, I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I’ve never had that sort of comfort where we could just lie without talking in your bed and just be.
But I know that I’m a catch. I’m beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and determined. More important than all of those, I’m brave. I stuck with you for months, even when doing so hurt me more than you could know or care to acknowledge. I was brave enough to stay with you even when everyone told me to drop it, forget you, that you weren’t worth my time. Does that sound like something a second best girl would do? I’ve spent the past months wondering what is wrong with me that you weren’t interested anymore. Now I see it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with you. I believe in myself when I say that I am absolutely, truly wonderful and I deserve to be with someone who knows that. I won’t continue to sit on the side and be your runner up, your safety option, your benchwarmer. I stuck it out long enough and that was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made. I should’ve ended it a long time ago, right when it all started to go wrong. I don’t sit patiently waiting for someone who doesn’t realize how amazing I am. I don’t let myself be used by someone too small to even acknowledge how badly you’ve mistreated me. I’m not that girl.
And I didn’t think you were that guy either, but it turns out you most certainly are. At least I learned that now and I’m escaping still in one piece essentially. I’m stronger than this.