Yesterday three different people in work told me that I was the nicest person they’d ever met.
The other day a couple of people told me that they were inspired by my faith.
On a shift last week a customer told me that they thought it was nice to meet someone with such a positive attitude to the most menial of jobs even though my current situation is a bit naff.
There are people out there who think I’m great, yet you two seem to think I’m some sort of hell child who should probably be shot to save the world.
Dad. I’ve forgiven you everything, no seriously I have. I know what you think of me, hilarious as it is, but that’s what it is to me hilarious. I have gone beyond crying for you, though the hurt will never go away, I know that today I am the best person I can be and it’s all down to you. You don’t want me anymore, clearly there’s not enough room in your heart for your children and your new family, that’s fine. We can deal with that…though it’s taken a while. I’m getting married soon, I’m going to be a mother after that, I have experienced such joy and wonderful things. I wish I could share them with you. If you wake up one day and realise your mistake I’ll be here, but I’m not waiting for you. I hope one day you catch up with me, because you could learn a lot from me. Ten years ago, if you could have seen the person I am today you’d have wept with happiness. If I’d have told you the things you did in the interim you probably would have killed yourself.
Seriously, be happy. But realise that what you have with her is not happiness. It’s delusion. Someone telling you they won’t marry you until you’ve gotten rid of every tie to any other human being really isn’t normal behaviour. Even Mum wasn’t that mad.
Mum. One of the people who thinks I’m the nicest person ever thought it was a wonderful story how I found you after all those years. Until I told them what you were like. Did you know that not a single person I know thinks I should maintain this contact we have? When I think about how at my wedding you are going to meet some of my nearest and dearest I actually panic at how they are going to hold their tongues. Because some of them won’t. But it’s taken me a long time, not as long as it took me to get over Dad, but a long time nonetheless to realise I don’t need your approval either. I think when I found you I just wanted you to replace what I’d lost with Dad but I’ve come to realise that not only will you never do that…but you’re not even a very nice person. You’re self obsessed, you’re incredibly jealous and unfortunately quite attention seeking.
You at least realise I’m happy, but can you stop with the attempts to destroy that happiness. I’m not fat. I’m not worthless. It’s not my fault you only wanted sons. I think you’re mentally ill in some way, I think you need help.
Dad, I had with you thirteen years of bliss and five years of hell. Mum you have given me six years of pain and confusion with a smattering of fun in there when you forgot to hate me for being my father’s daughter. But from both of you I have learned a great deal. When my children are born, I will give them everything both of you failed to give me. When I marry, both of us will be faithful and it will be forever. I KNOW that my life is going to a happy one, because that will be what I make it.
I just wish you two could be happy too.
Dad, I love you. You are still my world and I forgive you everything.
Mum, I forgive you, but I was a baby when you left us and no amount of forgiveness or effort can ever forge a relationship between us that ever was.
Your loving (and above all happy) daughter.