• “Daddy”

    by  • February 26, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Anger • 2 Comments

    Dear Dad,

    I’ve got to say, out of all the people in the world, you have to be the one who’s hurt me the most. The sad part, is that you’re not even a part of my life anymore. I guess that’s what hurts, is the fact that you were never there for me. I questioned myself time and time again trying to figure out why you did the things that you did; Was it you, or was it me? I’m now old enough to realize that it was always you.

    You. You kicked me to the curb because you were scared. You gave me no hope to fight for you. You walked out of my life, without so much as a goodbye. I would have waited, and I did. At first, you get used to not having a father figure in your life. Then it was getting up and going about my day like it didnt hurt seeing everyone else with their Dad. But it did. Funny thing about pain, it goes away, but the scar never does.

    Now, I’m moving on with my life. I have a step dad now, and he is more of a father to me then you ever were. You tried waltzing back into my life as if everything was fine, like nothing happened. As if your apology healed it all. And believe me, I wanted it to. But nothing was fine and your apology didn’t do anything. When you hugged me, for the first time in two years, I felt nothing, and thought of nothing. Just waited for you to let go. At that exact moment I knew the relationship between us would never be restored. The damage was done and you were too late. I could only pray I would be wrong.. But I guess I was right.

    You were the one person who was never supposed to let me down. You were always suppoed to be there, and yet, you never were. I was always meant to be “Daddy’s Little Girl”, but I guess Ashley’s taken my roll for that now. & I’m completely okay with that. You screwed things up with me, I just hope you learned something, and you don’t screw things up with her too.

    I remember when I was little you would put me on your shoulders and promise me anything and everything I could have ever asked for when I was older. Well, I’m now 14 years old and the only thing you’ve ever given me is a broken heart. You’re supposed to be my Dad, what happened to you?

    You’re nothing to me. Nothing. I can’t even begine to imagine how may times you’ve ran out of my life & crawled back in. How could you do that? To me? Your own daughter? You’re a coward. You’re one sorry excuse for a father, and one poor excuse for a human being. My mom showed me the pictures of her car that she owned when I was a baby. She told me about what you & my uncles did to it. I don’t understand how you could do those things, and now sit here and tell everyone that you are a firm believer in Jesus Christ. How dare you.

    I’ve decided I’m not going to let you get to me anymore. you’re not worth it. You’re not worth a single tear that I’ve ever cried over you. You’re not worth anything. & there’s nothing you could ever do to make things right between us again.

    I spent all my life trying to figure out how to have a balanced relationship with you to the point where I wouldn’t constantly be thinking about how much I hated you. Well, I’m done. I’ve realized it’s too far and too late. It’s nothing worth it and neither are you.

    However, I’ve found the courage inside me to forgive you. Of course, I’ll never fully forgive you, and forget what you’ve done, but I refuse to let you get to me anymore, so I’ve forgiven you enough for the sake of my own sanity. I no longer think about you on a regular basis, or get discouraged because of you. I have finally realized who I am and what I deserve, and it is a lot more than you.

    I’m better off without you. I went two years of my life without you, I’m sure I can manage the rest of my life too. You’ve taught me who I am and how far I can be pushed, although it was a lesson I would have rather avoided. You’ve caused me to have trust issues, and to keep my guard up around everyone. It’s like I’ve built a wall around me. BUt I’m finally at peace with myself. I don’t need you nor do I want you in my life anymore.

    I hate you. SIncerely. I hope that you think about me everyday of you life, and I hope that it kills you inside with guilt. I hope that one day you have the power to grow up and be a man. But sadly, I don’t think that day will ever come. You wont see me graduate, or walk me down the aisle at my wedding. You’ll never meet your grandchildren in the future either. In the end, I just have to tell myself that you are the one that messed up & is missing out. Because I have grown up to be a wonderful 14 year old teenager with a 3.0 grade average, pursuing a higher career than you could have ever dreamed of achieving. Overall, I’m a well grounded person.

    I’m finally happy with my life.. Are you happy with yours?

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    2 Responses to “Daddy”

    1. eeb
      February 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm

      I am going through very similar pain with my dad, my mother and him are going through a harsh divorce and he does not understand that alot of it is his fault because he never invested in his marriage or in his relationship with my brother and I. I have so much pain inside and I am also having so much trouble forgiving him. Especially since a few days ago I heard over heard my mother saying something about how he had an affair with a woman. From what I understood this was many years ago and I was very young. This still hurts and added to the pain and resentment I already had been feeling because of the divorce and how badly he had emotionally and verbally abused my mother. Over all I do love my father but he causes me so much pain and does not realize I need him so much, instead gives me guilt trips making me feel like I never want to see him. I wish he would realize I love him but he cannot keep putting work and other materialistic things before his family…because thats why he lost us..and can potentially lose us (my brother and I) for good.


    2. Angelina H.
      April 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

      This letter reminded myself on my so called ‘dad’. The only difference he left when I was VERY little and i’ve never met him. Also i’m 16. You are a very strong woman. 🙂



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