When mom died, we got close. I didn’t think it was possible to get close to family considering the flap mom made about my being gay. She was the baby and when she found out she cried out in distress to her siblings, one of whom shot me “how could you do this to your mother” letter (aunt m). I responded by writing back and said words that were not kind. I’ve regretted them ever since. At moms funeral it seemed that she had forgotten. She reached out to me. I felt grateful to have family again and hoped to god she would not remember, after all by then she was/is in her 90s. You and I are close now my sweet cousin. And you seem to have convinced your mom to give me a chance (another aunt). You both have met my life partner and you have been in our home. You and she send cards to both of us now. it’s nice. I thot I had lost family.
Maybe like a foolish idiot, I have been sending aunt m little gifts. Her husband has passed and she was placed in a facility. I’d been kind of alone so long and when I was a child, family was everything. To have it back was amazing. She fell and broke her hip a bit ago. I’ve been worried. I sent more gifts.
A few days ago maybe impulsively you sent us an email suggesting that we all meet and visit aunt m. I said yes immediately. The image in my mind was just me. Not both of us. Why cause un needed negativity? But I guess I didn’t convey that. I just asked for details. There has been no response back. I can guess what happened. I never thought about the possibility or I would have been more self protective. I think that you didn’t know I meant that it was just me coming. You probably told aunt ms daughter that we were joining you and your mom in the visit. The reaction, I am sure was not good!
You met my partner. To you she is another good person. We don’t wave our lesbianism about. I know you care about her. But to others, especially those who don’t approve, we are not so much two nice women as we are lesbians and sinners. Those others are just a cousin away. The emails have abruptly stopped from you and her daughter (who had been sending me daily updates on aunt ms condition).
This is an awkward situation for you now. You think WE have accepted the invitation. And you have been told that WE are not invited.
I would have come on my own before this hit the fan, after all I attended mom’s funeral alone. I do care about others feelings but now I see how this has hurt my partner. That’s not right. She has always been there for me, even when I have acted like a spoiled child. We are family. I don’t want to pretend that she is not existent or unimportant to get my family back.
Bigotry is not just ugly, it is sad.
I’m really sorry about the misunderstanding.