• four years and you did still gets to me

    by  • February 25, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 0 Comments

    Dear abusive ex-boyfriend,

    I love you dearly now, the person that you’ve become is so much more beautiful than I ever thought possible. However, I hate that four years later I can’t trust men in a wonderful and beautiful way because of everything that you put me through and the habits that you created within me. Four years later and I finally find a guy, regardless of whether or not I ever date him, I finally opened up and….I.Feel.So.Raw. Parts of me believe that I can’t trust him and don’t understand why I decided to trust him in that short moment, however, I did. Now, here I am a couple days later after talking about what you did to me for the first time to a male, feeling so shitty. I exposed my soul and I hate that I’m doubting every minute of it because the last time a guy knew me so well, it was you, and you abused me so badly.

    Sometimes I still hate you
    Sometimes I hate you a lot
    Sometimes I hate everything you did to me
    Sometimes I wish that I never met you
    Sometimes I wish that I could just be normal

    but, regardless of how much sometimes I feel all of these things, I need to live in the present, away from what you did to me. Not EVERYONE is the same, and I need to allow myself to be vulnerable and strong. I can do this, even if you never let me believe that I could.

    Love,
    your survivor of an ex-girlfriend

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