I know why I’ve been foolish.
I know why I’ve been lonely.
I know why I’ve been dissatisfied.
I know why I’ve been tired.
I know why I’ve felt hopeless.
I know why I’ve been deceived.
I know why I’ve been persistent.
I know why I’ve been passionate.
I know why I’ve been procrastinating.
I know why I’ve been fantasizing.
I know why I’ve been feeling the way I do and writing the words I’ve written. I’ve known this all for a while, yet been unable to face it on my own. It is what makes me fear for my future and hold on to my past.
Probably most of you reading this won’t understand it, but it makes perfect sense to me. It’s what makes me who I am and composes the heart and soul beneath my skin. There will be a Third Time. Perhaps, however unlikely, it will come wearing the mask of the First or Second Time, or it will wear a new mask of an unacquainted Third Time, but it will come nonetheless. I can only hope and pray there won’t be room for a Fourth Time, ’cause I really don’t think I can go through this again. Each Time has received me as I am, and each sequential Time will receive the same.
This I know for sure.