• Growing up…

    by  • February 24, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye • 9 Comments

    this is all so confusing

    it’s like my life is shedding all the people that might be no good for me without my consent

    my “best friend” might be out of the picture now because i finally stuck up for myself and she didn’t like what i had to say about how shitty she treats me

    the guy i was feeling so strongly for is resistant to opening up about seemingly anything, i’m not sure why, and i find myself drifting away while he still tries to pull me closer even though he’s so closed up.

    other friends are rarely heard from

    it all seems to be a mess which i’ve got no control over

    but, maybe its what needs to happen for the changes i want in my life to be able to surface?

    thankfully i’ve got a wonderful family who will always be there for me at the drop of a hat through this and everything else i’m dealing with right now, good or bad

    as crappy as i feel with everything else going on in my life, the luck that i feel from having my family is far more significant

    i know that not everyone has that, which is a huge part of why i’ll never take them for granted.

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    9 Responses to Growing up…

    1. i always say..
      February 24, 2012 at 7:27 am

      I always say people are in your life for a reason, a season, or to stay. once you figure out why these people have been brought into your life, i think it will make it a lot easier to let them go if you need to.


    2. DC
      February 24, 2012 at 7:47 am

      This is life. Those people are shedding because that is what you want even though you may not consciously realize it.

      TELL the guy what you just said; we men don’t always get it. We’ve been raised to keep our emotions private which is the direct opposite of how women are raised. Let him know he can trust you with his feelings; maybe he’s been burned before and that has caused him to retreat into himself rather than open up. Trust me on this; I lost a relationship I valued very highly because I wouldn’t open up and now all I have is regrets and memories. If you care for him enough to feel bad about this you care for him enough to help him open up. It’s not easy for us at times.


    3. me
      February 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

      he already does know he can trust me… i’ve brought it up in similar words already, didn’t seem to really stick though… he tells me all the time that i can talk to him about anything whenever i need to, and i told him he could do the same with me… no change though. the situation between us is something that can’t happen right now though, probably wont happen for over a year or maybe two, yet he still agrees he wants to talk as much as we can and whatever. maybe he’s not opening up for some reason related to that? I can’t even get out of him anything other than how all that’s really going on for him is school, and nothing else really comes from his end of the conversation. i feel like if i don’t come up with something to talk about its just awkward… not sure what to do.


    4. DC
      February 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

      Something. Is on his mind. Maybe it’s nothing more complicated school stress?

      My ex and I had a way of talking all the time without ever talking about what mattered. We danced around issues like they didn’t exist, neither of us being right up front.

      So stop beating around the bush. “something is wrong or something is going on with you. I can feel it and you’re shutting down rather than talk to me about it. I’m telling you now, whatever it is you need to talk to me. I’m starting to think the worst and things will go very badly for us if you don’t say something to change my mind.”

      And, really, it may be the worst. Sounds like he’s some distance off at school. It may well be that he has, shall we say, an activity partner. So before you talk to him gird yourself for that. What is your reaction? Keep in mind that men have a way of separating sex from love in a way women don’t (not condoning cheating, just pointing something out) so she may be nothing more than stress relief.

      I do hope things work out for you. I know exactly how it feels to be on the receiving end of being shut out.


    5. Kelly
      February 27, 2012 at 10:49 am

      well, yes, he is seeing someone… i already know this… he’s in a not so serious relationship, as he doesn’t want to have anything big while he’s out there because he is planning on moving back. he goes through times where he talks about some stuff and makes the conversations flow easier, at least more than when he is just having me talk… but then it goes back to the awkward way.


    6. DC
      February 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm

      Okay, I think I get it now. Keep in mind I’m 53 but I still remember being half that.

      He’s got a play partner, okay. And you seem, if not okay, at least accepting of that. He’s at the age where sometimes he’s mature, sometimes he’s not. When he’s in the mature phase I bet my last dollar he feels guilty about this while talking to you.

      And, as well, sometimes there just isn’t much to talk about, ya know? Doesn’t mean he’s holding back. How many drunken frat parties and hot chicks can one talk about before it all sounds the same? How many complaints about professors and instructors can one say? Sometimes, well, nothing is happening.

      Roll with the changes is all you can do. With him or anyone else, just roll with the changes. Remember you can only control yourself and your reactions. You can make your desires known but you have no control over the other person meeting them. If they don’t, it’s not to be taken as a personal insult. Just keep rolling with the changes.

      My advice is to relax. No matter what he does the sun will still rise in the East tomorrow.


    7. DC
      February 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm

      Oh, and another thing. Some people have a hard time maintaining feelings over long distance. My son is like that; if it’s not right in front of him he sorta forgets its there.


    8. me
      February 28, 2012 at 11:28 pm

      Thanks for all your advice… i do agree with most of it… its all things i’d say to someone in my place, but naturally it wasn’t something i even thought to apply to myself. you were pretty on base with a lot of what you said, i think, with the exception of a few minor details… and you’re right… i just gotta keep rollin with the punches, like i’ve been doing all along… and no worries- i’m relaxed, not stressing or pissed or anything at all over the situation, other than that it crosses my mind because i care… ya know? This is a hard time of year for me, so it pops into my head a bit more than it regularly would… and you’re right that i’m ok with the whole, him doing whatever while he’s far away.. because i know how hard it is to do the long distance thing from a past experience and i dont want to put myself in that situation again, and he doesn’t want to either… so i’m not going to stop him from living his life and having a good time with it, same as i am doing and would do if something came along that i thought was worth a shot, just because something isn’t “working out” (which, in reality, its what it should be right now because like i said, we’re living our own lives for the time being. it’d be a waste to try and make something of us at this point in time knowing how easily it could crush any possibilities of a good thing)

      again, thanks!


    9. DC
      February 29, 2012 at 12:53 am

      You’re welcome and I’m glad it was of use to you rather than perceived as meddling.

      Good luck to you



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