• Really?

    by  • February 23, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Really? After a year and a half together you couldn’t still wish me a happy birthday even though we are no longer dating? You couldn’t take the the breath to say two words to me as you passed and said hello? Not even the mental energy to remember it was my birthday? Nothing? You couldn’t congratulate me on getting accepted to graduate school? You couldn’t allow yourself for one minute to be a caring individual who is not entirely self-obsessed? You have become the worst version of yourself. I do not think I could have ever imagined a day when this would have happened. I may not still be in love with you but I care enough about you to wish you a happy birthday. Maybe I just care too much. Maybe I should focus on the man in my life who does love me and who wished me a happy birthday so many times I lost count. Oh, trust me, I will focus on him. On his worst day he is ten times the man you will ever be on your best day.

    I think I’m so angry because I thought we meant more to each other than that. But maybe it is because I am angry at myself for not realizing how careless you really are. I still care about you and wish the best things for you. I think that is my main flaw. Caring for you. You never deserved it.

    I hope your new girlfriend makes you feel as worthless as you made me feel. I hope she makes fun of your psoriasis the way I never would. I hope she gets so drunk she cannot stand up straight then tells you she cheated on you. I hope all your dreams come crashing down in pieces at your feet and all the people you leaned on leave you. Only then will you realize that you are alone because you treated people like they didn’t matter. Like you could throw them away.

    With this letter I am throwing you away. I hope every angry word and feeling that is in this letter rolls over you like a riptide you cannot out-swim. I hope you realize how much better off I am without you and how happy I will be the day I never have to see your face again.

    I hate you so much it consumes me sometimes. Tonight I will try to turn that hate into indifference. I no longer care if you succeed. I do not care if people love you, because I never will again. I hope that everytime you see me it burns a little inside. I hope you still think I’m beautiful. I hope you miss me a little more each time you look me in the eye. I hope you still love me. And I hope I get the chance to tell you to your face how worthless you are to me now.

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