• Imprisoned

    by  • February 23, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 16 Comments

    What is this craziness? This lunacy that dwells beneath my palpitating heart? Unorthodox at best; sheer madness at the worst, yet this is my truth – my reality. I wait earnestly for the day your beauty no longer allures me – for when your understanding spirit no longer pulls me, when your pure heart fails draws me forward. It is like trying to grab a person through the bars of a prison and pulling them out of the cell without having access to the key. No matter how far I reach or how hard I pull, you’ll never be any closer than these iron bars allow.

    No no no… I have this backwards, don’t I? You aren’t the one imprisoned. You aren’t the one enslaved to the passions of the heart you once held for this currently pitiful guy lying in the darkness, are you? Instead, I’m reaching out to you and trying to pull MYSELF out of this cage – trying to squeeze through these bars so I can pursue you once again, for pursuit holds no meaning when the means to run have been shackled. You won’t even look at me, let alone help to break me out. I reach for your hand, grabbing nothing but the stale air between my fingers. Why won’t you free me? Why won’t you reach out for that which once made you feel special, loved, worth the fight and effort?

    I’m a muzzled hound, unable to speak despite the nearly overwhelming urge to do so. At the end of my rope, I let go and fell through the roof of this dungeon because I lacked a long enough rope to lower myself down gently. Surrounded by the suffocating aroma of cupcakes, I close my eyes and try to drift out of this conscious nightmare. My mind begins to wander and lands me in the middle of a deserted shore loaded with Beautiful Seashells. I panic and awake to the sound of gasping – my own lungs trying to catch enough air. All of it an illusion of course, never far from the center of my mind.

    I remember peace and comfort in the solitude of your embrace. So beautiful, so write, yet never before has it been so far away. When I don’t know what else to do, I read. And I pray. And I try to let the comfort of Someone greater than myself cover my shivering frame like a blanket to fend off the biting breeze as it blows right through my drenched and dripping soul.

    Such are the thoughts of a driven man – propelled by the love he is forced to suppress. What happens when an immovable object meets and unstoppable force?

    06192010/07032010 – 01012011

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    16 Responses to Imprisoned

    1. mylife
      February 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

      I am sorry. I understand how you feel. I live it. Everyday. We must live in parallel worlds because you have described my life, exactly. The only difference is our genders. I really hope the best for you and that you are able to reunite with this person you love so much. Good luck.




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    2. close
      February 23, 2012 at 4:08 pm

      6292009/07062009 – ?

      Either way.
      The only force is you yourself… may the force be with you superman.




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    3. M
      February 23, 2012 at 4:45 pm

      Something this beautiful and brooding cannot be suppressed long..




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    4. S
      February 23, 2012 at 6:01 pm

      What happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force? Nothing. They cancel each other out. The most you could possibly hope for is a crater. Let it go. Look to the future. Move on. At least try. It sounds cruel now and I don’t mean to but while love is something you should work at…it’s not supposed to be torture.




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    5. What happens
      February 23, 2012 at 6:51 pm

      They melt into each other, create cold fusion, heat up to temperatures that could provide heat enough for every living soul on earth.
      Okay, ‘maybe’ a bit intense but considering…well worth risking a physical reaction 🙂




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    6. Enjay
      February 23, 2012 at 7:04 pm

      To S:
      The greater the struggle, the greater the victory. Every day the sun rises on another battle, a fresh day to renew the fight because surrender is not an option. I know success is on it’s way. It’s just a matter of “when”.

      And the future I am looking to is bright and interesting indeed. There’s just one thing missing…




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    7. S
      February 24, 2012 at 2:40 am

      @Enjay It hasn’t always been my experience that great victories come from great struggles. But I admire your passion.
      I truly hope you find what you are missing. Good Luck.




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    8. Life
      February 24, 2012 at 3:49 am

      Every day.




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    9. Enjay
      February 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

      @ S
      I can understand your viewpoint from that perspective, but see: you turned it around. I said that the greater the struggle, the greater the victory, not that great victories come from great struggles.

      It’s all about perspective.




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    10. S
      February 24, 2012 at 2:18 pm

      @Enjay

      How true! You did say that. And you are right.

      I stand (or sit, because typing while standing can be uncomfortable) corrected.




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    11. iwonder
      February 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm

      why do you mention cupcakes? was there a wedding? and why suffocating?




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    12. Enjay
      February 27, 2012 at 5:14 am

      If you have to ask, it was not meant for you.




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    13. just another reader
      February 27, 2012 at 7:47 am

      Interpretations of personal meanings through such profound words. With words feeling as close as those do, my take is, that the cupcakes are a gift to him. Warm sweet smell, something more then one person prepares for him. Hence suffocating – yearning, confusion, remembrance. Or maybe the smell of cupcakes reminds him of the one he is referring to, the one that he believes he can’t have? Yearning – is suffocating.

      Crazy man, impossibility is what we allow it to be, and importance is what we give importance to. Don’t ever doubt but rather believe in love that’s given. Out of nowhere and for no apparent reason at all. Just is – truth.

      Curious to read his interpretation though, who am I and what do I know after all.




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    14. Enjay
      February 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm

      @ just another reader
      No interpretation is required of the person each letter of mine is meant for because she would know exactly what I mean (or at least she should with that intuitive mind of hers).

      For everyone else, I would encourage interpretation based on what each person sees, not necessarily the way it was intended. We are all creative in our own way and see things differently, and each individual interpretation is not wrong — it is just a different perspective from their vantage point.

      Though I will admit, I did enjoy reading your interpretation. 🙂 And I agree with all you have spoken. Wise words indeed.

      ~Enjay




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    15. just another reader
      February 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

      I had a feeling this was yours, Enjay 😉
      While my interpretation was indeed not directly linked on your intend, it is funny to see how close I hit.

      You men are all the same (joke, joke, just kidding -or am I? *grins*)




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    16. Enjay
      February 28, 2012 at 4:26 am

      Hmm… are we? 😉

      I was actually referring to your second paragraph filled with advice. My intentions in using the cupcakes were quite literal in fact, a little inside joke shared between I and the addressee. But as I said, interpretation is what you make of it, so I say nice shot. :-p




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