I TOLD THEM
I was 7 1/2 months pregnant.
I told my husband – “please” stop drinking, stop gambling, stop taking pills, stop yelling at me…
I told my mother –
who lived two hours away, “please, come get me”. (When we got there, I had a placental abruption.)
I told the ambulance driver –
who asked about my husband, “just get me to the hospital”.
I told the obstetrician –
“just save my baby, I don’t care if there’s a huge X on my stomach” (as she explained she had to do an emergency C-section and there would be a visible scar)
I told the social worker –
they requested I speak with in neonatal “I don’t need counseling, I need a divorce” and I would divorce my husband in exactly six months. (I told her I could not take on the divorce until then as my two and a half pound baby [and my other daughter who was 2 yrs. old] needed me. I needed to care for my premature baby – and get stronger myself).
I told the lawyer –
it was “exactly six months, start the divorce”.
I told my daughters – 2 1/2 and 6 months old…
it wasn’t going to be easy but “I’d always be there for them”. We’d be poor for sure but they would always be happy, safe, loved, so loved.
I WILL NOT tell my ex-husband –
how he failed as a husband, father, man. He was in and out of their lives for 21 years, had a second marriage, divorce, 2 more kids and has not seen my girls in almost 7 years.
My daughters are now 21 and 19 –
they are beautiful, happy, incredibly smart, talented young women.
It has been an honor and a joy to be their mother. I am SO proud of them.
I told myself today, “you did a good job.”