• I am no Angel.

    by  • February 22, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    B- You always reminded me how I’ve changed you for the better… I was that girl, the one that took the “jerk” out of you. There was a change, a significant one, in you. I saw it, everyone else saw it. I was your “Angel”.
    But that wasn’t enough. My job was done, and there was still so much left to do, that I couldn’t get done. You are not a bad person, you don’t need fixing. You need support, you need someone that is right for you.
    I am not her. I apologize for leaving you broken… and now you’re with a girl that encourages your bad habits, that doesn’t pick you up when you fall.
    I’m sorry.
    I am no Angel.

    K- You call me your Angel, you remind me every day. I tell you every day that I am nothing close to one. You don’t believe me. You will… you’ll believe me when you see who I really am.
    I change people, I learned that a while ago with B. You are changing too. Your anger has waned, the depression doesn’t have you by the throat anymore. You are head over heels in love with me, and it’s scary.
    I wish you could promise me that you won’t relapse if I leave. I want you to change for good, I want you to be confident and happy even if I’m not always here for you.
    I don’t want to leave, but I’m terrified that it’s inevitable. I feel like my purpose here is to help people when they need me, and disappear. I love you. But is that enough?
    I’m fighting it, I’m trying to tell myself that I’ll find The One and stick with him through it all, until the end. But I don’t know anymore.
    I am so sorry, for everything I will probably do… I hope I don’t, but…
    I am no Angel.

    Until I lose to myself, I will be here for you. I will remind you every day that I love you, I will support you in everything you do. I will be your Angel, for as long as I can. I’ll try to break the illusion you have, but I know you won’t see the real me until the worst happens.
    I am no Devil, I am not here to seduce you and leave you in pain. I want to be your Angel, but that’s just not me. Not for long, anyway.

    -J

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