Life sucks. You try to impress people every day of your life, and it never works. You fuck up everything you touch, you lose friends, you do the very things you hate in other people. At least that’s how my life is.
Being dead just seems so much more peaceful. The thought of dying used to scare me, and now I look forward to it. Just being nowhere, not even existing, seems so beautifully peaceful. I could just cease to exist with the pull of a trigger, and just be nothing, fade away into blackness, nothingness. It’s so appealing to me these days that I find myself thinking of it more and more.
I could get home from school, get my gun, lock the door, lay down, and just die. My parents would come home and find me, and they would cry. But they would get over it, it would be better for them in the end. I feel like people will remember me better if I was dead. Once you’re gone people see the good in you, not the way you fuck up everyday, not the way you starve, not the way you cut. They see the hope in you you should have seen in yourself.
And then there’s you, just gone. You won’t be able to see any of this, or even imagine it, because you won’t even exist anymore. But there are no worries when you’re dead, because you’re not even there. There is no you, there’s your body with them, and that’s it.