• Contemplation

    by  • February 21, 2012 • Depression • 2 Comments

    Life sucks. You try to impress people every day of your life, and it never works. You fuck up everything you touch, you lose friends, you do the very things you hate in other people. At least that’s how my life is.

    Being dead just seems so much more peaceful. The thought of dying used to scare me, and now I look forward to it. Just being nowhere, not even existing, seems so beautifully peaceful. I could just cease to exist with the pull of a trigger, and just be nothing, fade away into blackness, nothingness. It’s so appealing to me these days that I find myself thinking of it more and more.

    I could get home from school, get my gun, lock the door, lay down, and just die. My parents would come home and find me, and they would cry. But they would get over it, it would be better for them in the end. I feel like people will remember me better if I was dead. Once you’re gone people see the good in you, not the way you fuck up everyday, not the way you starve, not the way you cut. They see the hope in you you should have seen in yourself.

    And then there’s you, just gone. You won’t be able to see any of this, or even imagine it, because you won’t even exist anymore. But there are no worries when you’re dead, because you’re not even there. There is no you, there’s your body with them, and that’s it.

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    2 Responses to Contemplation

    1. Kinetics
      February 21, 2012 at 7:53 pm

      No one ever forgets a lost life, and you are no exception. Stay strong, find one reason to believe in yourself, focus on one person or thing that you love and attach yourself to it. Open yourself to the love of the world and let it permeate through you. Even though you might feel that your life is falling apart, there is light coming through the cracks. Open your eyes and find that light. I have faith in you, even if no one else does.


    2. L's Pirate Queen
      February 24, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      I know what you’re going through. I too have been finding the idea of death more and more appealing these days. But I could never bring it upon myself.
      Trust me, you think people will remember you when you’re dead and they will. Your parents will never stop crying.

      You never get over having to bury your child.

      People who considered you a friend will have broken hearts. Even if you think there are none.

      A guy I knew killed himself without warning, he left no suicide note, no reason why he did it. That was nearly four years ago and people still cry when you mention his name.

      Instead of ending your life to get people’s attention by breaking hearts find something in yourself that you really love. Do that no matter what the fuck people say. People’s opinions don’t matter. That’s what I say. The only people you need in your life are the people who like you for you, no matter how weird you are. There is someone out there for everyone.

      Pleasing instead of causing many people pain. Just find your someone and give them happiness. I’m still looking for my someone and I will find them.

      I promise you they are out there. Just be patient and they will come.



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