Danger. did that really happen? The words, then the beep- open door, i walk inside.
realization. pulsing. rapid pulsing at that. blood flowing so heavy. I’m being brave; braver than i honestly am.
so small. He towers from a cross the room. Strategically placing himself within the shadows, careful not to be seen for the monster he can be; who he has been before- who he’s preparing to be.
I stand there; speaking from the heart of a heartless soul. A sad girl, a small sad girl. I know nothing of what i say… “trust me” is all that makes sense. He mustn’t. I was hoping he wouldn’t. Please don’t trust me, i don’t want you to.
“Come over here then”
I walk…crawl through my skin, closer to his. In his hands my face rests. The chill of his ring brushed my jaw. I could then feel the reality. The cold truth. It was easily ignored for him. He had done this before. Together our faces near each other. Stop now. Yell louder- nothing is coming out.heart still racing. Knees shaking; head throbbing. Don’t do this. You’re not allowed to do this.
I breathe, the air falls.
Turn, smile behind my back; grab bag…leave.
Stop. Turn around again. It happened…but never again. It’ll never happen again.
You bastard. you filthy bastard. Now all eyes are on me; don’t forget that no amount of green can cover the stench you left. A bias, then your dad..the jury can only reveal so much truth. Regardless, it’s your head that you have to answer to. You don’t see me anymore, but i know you still trace my scars with your fingers, late at night. Probably when your daughters are asleep and your wife is tucked tight beneath your arm. Half her weight; half her size…half her age. Half your age…I’m still the thing on your mind every night. You silenced me, sewed my wounds tight.
This is just my open fuck you. your wounds will forever bleed.