Archive for February 21st, 2012

Scared of Me

I’m scared I’m going to go back. I’m scared that I’ll just settle for less. I’m scared that the other totally misunderstood what I meant… what I’m going through. I’m scared that I’ll be happy with my job, my family, my friends, but when it comes to love…he’ll always catch me looking out the window…knowing in my heart…that there was another path…one that the other just wasn’t willing to take the risk…and I’ll always be too scared to admit that it would be all that I would regret. I’m scared the other will be the regret…the one thing the one person that never took the risk to find out just what I meant.


1 comment. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Fear

 

Questions after a hookup

The questions that I want to ask after our hookup:

How do you feel about having a blunt and honest conversation? Did you have fun? Was I any good? Why didn’t we use a condom? Should I be worried that we didn’t? Do you do this often? Should I get tested? Where do you want to go from here? Do you want it to happen again? Pretend it never happened? If it happens again, do you want it to be the same way- a drunk sort of hook up thing? Could it be a sober hook up thing? Are you at all interested in more? Getting to know me? Being friends? Friends with benefits? What about anything more? Relationships? Do you do those? Are you emotionally available? Are you interested?

No pressure.

Let me answer my own questions for you: I really would love this to be blunt and open, I’m sick of playing games and dancing around what we want or need- you don’t get what you want just willing it to happen. I had fun, you were surprisingly good, which led me to the “do you do this often” question. Did you even come? I don’t consider myself someone who does that sort of thing often. The worst you’re going to catch from me is a cold, which I apologize for, I’m pretty sick right now. I think you’re cute. I do want it to happen again, but I’ll let you dictate on what terms because I’m pretty open to all options. I’d rather not pretend it never happened because that’s childish and I’m not ashamed that it happened. If you don’t want it to happen again, that’s fine. If you want to continue pseudo anonymous hookups with me and not really get to know me, that’s kind of kinky but fine, just let me know. We’d absolutely have to use a condom every time. On the other hand, I would be happy to get to know you, be your friend, or your friend with benefits, and I don’t know you enough to say anything beyond that.

I really don’t mean to come across as needy or as domineering by asking all of these questions, I just want to be open and, perhaps, blunt.

If we’re continuing being blunt, my favorite place to be kissed is my neck. You use way too much tongue while kissing.


No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Sex

 

We belong together

this thought just came to me today. I spoke it out aloud and then I realized what I had just said; I wasn’t really all that surprised, it was mostly a reinforcement. I know that for the longest time we both have been struggling with our feelings for each other and even though at times it seems and we think we have finally moved on it’s not really happening for either of us. Your heart is as full of love for me as mine is for you. Your mind, body and soul are still craving me in the same way mine are craving you. I know you look for me, I know you keep stalking and trying to find anything you can about me. It is one of those things, weird as they may sound but they really do happen. Two hearts that beat as one, two souls that found each other in a hopeless place. Two spirits drawn together as if by a magnetic force. We are like an elastic band pulling on opposite directions that will come together with a bang! And it will be a mighty and wonderful bang!


3 comments so far. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple

 

To the cute boy at the dairy

Hey

I think you’re really cute. Are you single? I hope so, cause one day soon I’m gonna get up the courage and ask for your number when I come to buy milk or bread or something, and I really don’t want to make a fool of myself if you’re already taken.

So please, for the sake of my dignity, be single =)


No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Short -n- Sweet

 

Something Else

BC

I miss you. Like a lot. I know you said you wanted me to get over you and for a while there I thought I was. But then I drunk text you last night (not saying anything too bad thank God) and you replied this morning and I started to think that maybe, just maybe, those feelings are still there.

You said you had work, but would text me after. I’m sitting here waiting for that text. Every time my phone goes off, I jump on it, hoping it’s you. I’ve missed talking to you; I still sometimes stare off into the distance on campus, hoping to see you walking to class, even though I know you’re not there anymore.

I wish you’d come back. I don’t even really want anything from you. A hug, maybe. But nothing more. Just one hug, because when you hugged me, it felt like safety, even through all the nervousness I got when I was around you. You feel like safety to me. I want that back, even just for a minute. If you do come back, even if it’s just for a visit, please give me that one minute of feeling safe. I will never ask you for anything ever again. Just one hug, one moment in time.

KG


No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Miss You

 

You can never know…

You’re my best friend in the entire world. I trust you with everything, and I would do anything in this world for you. I will support you in everything you do, and I will cherish you no matter what.

I know how lucky I am to have you as my best friend. You’re in a relationship, I know… and maybe if I send this letter, the pain will go away.

Maybe then I won’t want to run into your arms and stay there. Maybe I won’t want to go against everything I believe in. Maybe I’ll be able to keep you as my best friend. Maybe, just maybe…

I’ll stop loving you.


No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Yearning for You

 

Mother

It drives me insane that everyone keeps telling me how good of a mother you are. They don’t see anything but what you want them too see. But you have become really good at that haven’t you.

I was the first to graduate. I was the only one that went to college. I’m the only one that has a job. I fight for equality. I do everything you ask. But out of a family of 7 that isn’t good enough for you is it?

Is it that you see Dad in me? His intelligence, his philosophy, his eyes. It’s not my fault his heart couldn’t handle it, although being married to you much have been why. It’s 14 years now, and maybe it would have been different if you hadn’t drove him out of his home. Oh by the way, I remember the fights. I remember the accusations. I was so little, but not little enough that I was naive.

Is it that I am everything you wanted? You some idiot that got pregnant and dropped out of high school and just couldn’t stop having kids. Is it that Mine has stayed with me even though he doesn’t have any attachments? Or is it that I pulled myself from drug and alcohol abuse, something you admit that you couldn’t do.

You being a good mother is impossible, and the people in our life that aren’t on drugs see that. You are a laughing stock and the moment I leave I never want too see you again, and I hate you for making me stay. Even my oldest brother saw through you… I wish he wasn’t dead so someone would stand up to you besides me. But fast cars are dangerous. I wish you would have let him take your van like he asked. They maybe he wouldn’t have ended up in that ditch… but at least he got to see Dad for Christmas right?

Oh, and all that money you stole from me? All the times you hit me? All the times you made me feel like shit? Every item you have stolen from me? All the lies you have told about me? I have proof.

Take another shot for me and burn in hell.


No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Parents

 

it wouldn’t matter if we were normal

i dated a marine.
i guess i hate this because we didn’t make it through one deployment, both of them we broke up during.
you wore me down before you left and then would act completely crazy being in afghaninstan, i understand that but i don’t understand why you would treat me the way you did before you left.
the last 3 weeks before you left you stayed drunk and refused to talk to me.
you were never there for me when i needed you.
i would beg you to talk to me and you would refuse.
you broke up with me in november, a week after my birthday and the day you bought me a $600 ring.
you begged me back but i’m tired of it.
i sat back and thought about our relationship and it hit me all the texts from girls at 2 in the morning, you textin a girl you told me you cheated on me with, and the way you acted about certain subjects now shows me you were never faithful.
i hate to see love stories about military people who make it because i think why didn’t we then i blame myself and then i remember no i was the perfect military girlfriend.
i waited night after night for you to call no matter what, sent you huge multiple care packages, did what ever you asked, I WAS FAITHFUL.
you lived in cali, i lived in ga no matter what i was there every second of the 2 weeks you got every 8 or so months to come home.
i hate this but i can’t do it anymore.
some times i think i miss just having that love story, but then i remember the truth about military love, it’s not romantic, most of yall are assholes that cheat any chance you get, and its ALWAYS about what can i do for you never what do i need from you


No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Dating

 

I’m Sorry, I Hate Her, but I’ll be OK

I know I said I wanted the divorce. I know I said I didn’t love you. I hate what it’s done to our children, to you and to me. I still love you. I realized it as soon as the judge slammed the gavel down and declared us divorced. I never should have let it go that far. But I did. However, it was a little too late.

I know it’s too late for us now. I’ll know we’ll never get back together. I know we’ve hurt each other too much to make it work and we’ll always live in the past if we try again. All the lies, betrayals and heartache. There’s no getting over any of it for us to make it work.

You’ve moved on so fast though. And she’s so young. I can’t take that and you know it. Yet you don’t care that I don’t want her around my kids. She’s practically a child herself. What could she know about raising our children?

So in turn, I write this, Knowing that you’ll never read it, but it will help me finally be over you. Even if I do still care, which I always will after all the years and memories we shared. I can’t go back. I have to turn the page in this book and start writing a new paragraph. A paragraph in my new life. One that will include you, but only as a friend.


No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Closure

 

Dear Lying Asshole

I knew you were talking to other girls. I could handle that. But how could you ask me to come over and spend time with you all the time, and not want a relationship? You said you really liked me and I started falling for you. Dumb me fell for everything. And then you decide to cut me out cold turkey. Good riddance for me, I found someone a lot better than you. All you are is a player who’s looking to get his pecker wet for a good time. I found someone who loves me for me. Someone I want to be with for the rest of time. I don’t need you.


No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up

 


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