I look at this site every day, and every day I want to write a letter of my own. I never do though because I never think that the words are going to come out right. I finally found the courage to write my own letter though, and who cares if it sounds good, if it rhymes, if it comes out right or not…what matters and what is important to me is I finally have shared how I am feeling. I am writing this letter for my own personal need, but also I hope that others can read it too and find familiarity within it and know that they are not alone, someone else feels the exact same way you as you. You are never alone in this journey, perhaps we forget this to often. The letters on this site remind me that I am not alone in this thing we call life, and now I would like to give that to you, it is my time to give back, my time to write.
Somewhere along the way between highschool and college, I have lost myself. I don’t know who I am or how I got here. I went from an outgoing confident girl, to a shy insecure woman. I miss that highschool girl. Where did she go? How did she get lost along the way? There are plenty of people and situations that I would like to point my fingers at and place the blame on. Especially one person specifically. It would be so simple, so easy to blame it on YOU. I sometimes think if only if that ONE person loved me again, took me back somehow someway the outgoing, confident me would come back to life again. Reality is though, yes plenty of people and situations have contributed to this change in me, but I am actually responsible and at fault for who I have become. I have allowed the outside factors to have an influence on my identity. Somewhere along the way I became weak. While, there are times when the self is vulnerable to weakness, there is no excuse for a permanent state of weakness. My own weakness has allowed me to accept being treated terribly and used by others, it has allowed me to let go of my body image and fill my body up with unhealthy substances, and ultimately it has allowed me to lose sight of who I am. This is all in my control. It is time to turn around on the downward slope and start my journey over heading uphill. It is time to let go of things and move on. That ONE person was able to cut me out of their life and focus on themselves, so why can’t I?
Love yourself, focus on yourself, you don’t know need anyone else, but you do need YOURSELF. Become your best.. DO IT FOR YOU. Once the you, you once were, is back.. everything else will fall into place. I truly believe this.. It takes time though, be patient and hold on. Once you reach the top, where you started before you started heading down hill, you will know and everything will be worth it.
I will look back on this time and I will say “Hey, that was a terrible time, an unfamiliar time, but it’s over now” and I will smile. I hope you can too.
So I hope the college me can get lost soon and I can find the outgoing and confident me in adult-life.
There are other things we have to find before we find each other.