I’ve thought about you and me many times. Sometimes more seriously than others. Tonight is one of those nights where I can’t think of one good reason we’re not together. Yes, I’m scared. Yes, I think you are too…perhaps more than me. You’ve been hurt before. You haven’t got your friends back after something more happened. You think that’s the end. I know it’s not. I don’t know if that’s the only reason you won’t be with me, but if it is, I want to prove you wrong.
Everything with you is so easy. Most of the time we’re together, we act like a couple anyways. You make me giggle like a school girl, and I’m still pleasantly surprised when you ask me if I want to hang out. Yes, after two and a half years, I’m still surprised.
There’s so much about you I know, and still so much I want to find out. I know your favorite bands, colors, foods. I know the way you walk. I know your smell, and the various colors in your eyes. I can hear your laugh in my head. I also know how you shut down when you’re uncomfortable. I know how you don’t make eye contact when you’re upset. I know how you try to hide your feelings. You know when I see through you.
I remember glancing at you in the passenger seat that summer, wondering where we would end up. I remember the lady at the gas station giving us discounts on ice cream because we came so often. I remember going back there without you and paying full price. I remember drinking on the beach with you. I remember speaking drunk French with you. I remember thinking you were beautiful. But mostly, I remember the way I laughed with you that summer. You still make me laugh that way, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
But if you asked me if I loved you… I’d lie.