• How can you Not understand?

    by  • February 18, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    We have talked about this so many times before…

    You KNOW we have different definitions of love!
    You KNOW how I feel about you.
    You KNOW I can not comprehend what you feel about me, because it will never make sense to me. (Which is the *only* reason I have issues to believe!)

    Because of our different definitions, and actions, or willingness to actions, or lack thereof.

    I try so very hard to grasp and understand how we can be us, how you can say what you say, mean all of it and yet…
    Something that I gave up looking for so very long ago, didn’t believe in until you. Something I’d do just about anything for but yet…

    You KNOW I don’t understand, and after all my trying, and still keep trying to understand….I wish I could, I really do, but can’t. I can only accept that people are different with different definitions.

    You KNOW how I yearn for you. How I wish for a touch, your arms, your voice, your company…how I wish for you to BE in my life. Wish, but I know better then to hope. You have told me in so many ways not to have any, and I just accept that too.

    You KNOW I should not let myself need you and that I have this battle inside not to. Even though I wish for nothing more then to be able to just be. You are so easy to lean on, to love, to be free with – but in reality, you are not mine to let myself. That’s the *only* reason why I don’t.

    You KNOW I am free to give my undivided love, and you KNOW you are not. How could I possibly ask for anything? It makes it nearly impossible for me, so please don’t ask me to – unless you are free and willing to give.

    You KNOW how I feel, and you KNOW how deep. Just for one moment can you put yourself in my shoes? At least hypothetical, if nothing else- at least by your profession, you should be able to. It’s common sense. HOW can you NOT understand?

    My love for you needs closeness
    Your love for me needs distance
    (both proximity speaking)

    It’s alright to feel what we feel, to feel different

    I am grabbing for straws while you hold my root. I KNOW, I have all you are willing to give, and I love and appreciate every single moment of it!

    Please don’t ask me- to ask for something, that you don’t want to give anyway. Please don’t ask me to explain this again. I have so many times before, and it hurts. Hurts because we just feel what we feel and accepting differences makes me wonder about myself, and how I can even feel this way.
    Live this way. It just is, and I can’t change it, but I accept it.

    It’s just something one can’t ask for, it has to be given freely. Either it’s there or it is not, it can’t be forced or it won’t be real.

    Your love – my definition.

    You say that you don’t feel this way for me. I accept this too, but it’s the hardest I ever tried to hammer into my head and sometimes I just fail all together. I am trying though, I wish I knew better how to, but I am trying!

    You KNOW that and I actually think you would understand just fine, if you think about it.

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    2 Responses to How can you Not understand?

    1. Understood
      February 19, 2012 at 5:47 pm

      I do understand. I understand as much as you do. What bothers you most is that I am not the bad person you keep trying to make me out to be. And deep down you know that. Put yourself in MY shoes.


    2. author
      February 19, 2012 at 9:18 pm

      Mm I think you are confusing me with someone else!
      Glad I wrote this in LINS.

      LOL, my expression must really suck..since you are reading into my words that I make him out to be a bad person? WOW.

      Good luck to you on finding the right one in here. If this is what you are looking for, using names would help 😀



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