• In the end…

    by  • February 17, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye • 0 Comments

    To you,

    The person i grew up with and i had let go of two years ago. I invited you into my world, and you invited me into yours and together we shared secrets and dysfunctional family stories. I thought i was okay with growing apart from you. Especially, when i thought we had finally fixed things in the summer when you came over and found out i was switching schools. Yes, i thought we had left things off on a good note but i was wrong. Why did you say those things about me to her? Yes you do know what kind of person i am, and it isn’t that one. Why would you say that? You knew me better than anyone else and i shared so many things with you. Fuck, we did so many cliche things together and a lot of my childhood was with you. I know we grew apart and i thought i was fine with that, i thought you were fine with that. Yet,each time i thought that, someone would find a way to prove me wrong. I would discover later something hurtful you said about me and in the halls you would look away from me like i was suddenly beneath you. You know when ever someone asked me about you or questioned me on why we weren’t friends anymore i avoided the subject and usually said, “well you know things change and people grow apart”, but i never once said something hurtful or false about you. Things that happened between us were only between us and weren’t meant to be talked about to other people especially the two specific people you refered to as “your replacement” and “my replacement”

    I’m so fucking sorry that i didn’t leave middle school and become a slutty hypocritical hipster bitch like you did. I’m sorry that i’m not flirty and social like you are, i’m sorry but we all cope with things differently. If you’re mad at me because i didn’t chase after you and beg to pick up the pieces of friendship with you then i don’t know what to say. You know, maybe i should have stepped up and held on to you longer, your friendship should have been the exception but i couldn’t. I don’t know why i can’t ever say how i feel. I wish, i really wish i could. I used to think i didn’t regret it, after i saw the way you turned out, but every time i see a movie that includes real friendship i think of us and how we had it. You know you once said that our friendship was bad for each other because we held each other down, but by then we had grown so far apart that i honestly think you wanted to believe that, but it was complete bullshit. Our friendship was fine but we let ourselves torch it. You once said to me that our friendship was different and our friendship was strong. Despite everything and how at times i really want to hate you, i can never hate you because you are apart of me or was apart of the old me. Maybe one day when we’re older we’ll meet in the end and i’ll tell you that i missed you because if there was ever something i did wrong it was that i didn’t let you know that. Even if you don’t see it, or feel it anymore i am still apart of you and i hope when you look at me you’ll still be able to find the girl who sat on the bench with you at Macy’s and became “blood sisters with” because if we really never regain what we had then i hope i’ll be able to look at you and still see her.

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