I know you come on this site all the time, I’ve read the messages you wrote, some directed at me, others directed at people we know. Since this is the most effective way that you will listen to me, I’m using it now.
I have been nothing but honest with you. Never once in the short time we were together did I ever lie to you about anything. I know it is cliche to say “oh, it’s not you, it’s me”, but I’m going to say it now anyway because this is TRUE.
I honestly had the best of intentions for the both of us heading into this relationship, I didn’t wish for us to end like this but it did. I said I was broken, I explained how messed up inside I was, I genuinely believed I could look past this and continue on with you, but as we got further and further into it, I began to realise that I wasn’t ready. Yeah I know, its been months, but I’m still reeling from what happened before us to me. Suffice to say, I fucked up big time when I realised I wasn’t ready, I was inwardly kicking myself for not realising this sooner, and in the end, I ended up hurting you the most.
I didn’t mean to.
I wanted us to be happy, but as soon as I realised that I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to drag you down with me and lead you on in a fake relationship. I want you to be happy, I sincerely do whether that is with or without me in your life. You deserve the best man out there, and from my perspective, I am nothing even close to that.
There is so much shit going on in my head that I’m trying to make sense of, and throwing you in the middle of it all made it all the more difficult as well as put you in a spot to be caught up in it all. I didn’t want to drag you into it.
I thought I needed someone else, thought I needed you to fix me, but in reality, the only person who can fix me is myself. And that could take any amount of time.
Do with our friendship whatever you like, but don’t throw N in the mix awkwardly, when it comes down to it, I would rather her choose you over me.
I haven’t forgiven myself, so there is no reason you need to forgive me for what I have done.
I guess a stagg and a kat were never meant to be anything more than friends.
I will no longer be visiting this site, so if you wish to talk to me, to tell me your feelings, doing it through txt or in person is much nicer than over the internet.