• coward

    by  • February 17, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Anger • 0 Comments

    Why am I a coward?
    To some I seem a lion.
    Yet here I sit alone,
    Somewhere inside I’m dying.
    Look past this mask I wear,
    See the man that’s hiding there.
    Won’t someone see me crying?
    Don’t you care that I am dying?
    Won’t you save me?

    I’m so afraid of being alone,
    I wonder now if I’m too far gone.
    Carry me now ‘cause I can’t make it,
    I’m full up of terror, won’t you take it?
    I know that I should lean on you,
    How can it be so hard to
    Rely on the hands that can move a mountain?
    Break me down, remove this doubting.

    I’ve been down every road,
    Taken every forsaken path.
    Yet here I stand alone,
    Just waiting for your wrath.
    Why does it not come?
    Don’t know what’s going on.
    This silence scares me more,
    Than any tribulations, oh Lord,
    Won’t you save me?

    I’m so afraid of being alone,
    I wonder now if I’m too far gone.
    Carry me now ‘cause I can’t make it,
    I’m full up of terror, won’t you take it?
    I know that I should lean on you,
    How can it be so hard to
    Rely on the hands that can move a mountain?
    Break me down, remove this doubting.

    I need you here, here with me,
    I’m running blind ‘cause I can’t see
    Any other way than how it is
    But still there must be more than this,
    More than this.
    Make me brave when I feel weak,
    Show me the answers that I seek.
    Before I come to life’s last hour,
    Make me more than just a coward.

    I’m so afraid of being alone, (I need You here, here with me)
    I wonder now if I’m too far gone. (I’m running blind ‘cause I can’t see)
    Carry me now ‘cause I can’t make it, (Any other way than how it is)
    I’m full up of terror, won’t you take it? (But still there must be more than this)
    I know that I should lean on you, (Make me brave when I feel weak)
    How can it be so hard to (Show me the answers that I seek)
    Rely on the hands that can move a mountain? (Before I come to life’s last hour)
    Break me down, remove this doubting. (Make me more than just a coward)

    Before I come to life’s last hour,
    Make me more than just a coward.

    [once while in a conversation with a friend, i was asked if i had ever been angry at anyone. i said yes, to which she was surprised, because i don’t come off as an angry sort of person. that person is myself. never have i been more furious with any person, any THING, than i have been with myself. i told someone that i like them knowing full well that they didn’t like me back, knowing full well that they had too much other stuff in their life to throw this monkey wrench in their life, knowing full well that God didn’t want it. i did it anyway. i thought i was being courageous to finally tell someone how much they mean to me. i know now what a coward i am for caving to my own desires rather than waiting for God’s. please forgive me… i don’t deserve it… but i need it…]

    –a friend

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