I’m so sorry for hurting you. I know the hell you’ve been through and I know it breaks your heart knowing that’s where I’m headed. I want to protect you from all the bad things and yet I am buying into them myself. Sometimes I wish I could lie to you just so I wouldn’t disappoint you. Please know that I’m not doing this to hurt you. It kills me knowing how much it hurts you when I hurt myself. I want so desperately for you to be ok. Right now, that’s the only reason I’m trying to get better. For you. I need you, Rose, but I’m scared that one day I’ll say too much and you’ll leave me. That’s why I wake up every morning and pretend to be ok; I can’t survive being myself for the first time and then being rejected. It’s not worth the risk. I want you to know that I’m going to keep fighting. If not for myself, then for you.