James,

i went tonight to see not to torture you, but to see if i could. to see if i could bear it. every second i was thinking of you, wondering where you were when I couldn’t see. wondering if it bothered you that i was there.

you’ll never know how much i regret what happened, how it ripped my heart out. how i wish i hadn’t done it and how i still miss you.

i was in love with you, you see.

i never told you.

i wish i told you how much i loved us, how i pictured us in the future. but instead, i ran.

i hope you have everything you want. i hope you’re happy.