• Chances Lost

    by  • February 16, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 0 Comments

    You know what hurts is when you brought up how you wanted to be with me and that you had always loved me. You should have never told me if it wasn’t going to go anywhere. You’ve moved on…but something tells me that there is more to that last comment. Perhaps I want to believe that it’s just as hard for you as it is for me.

    What I want to say to you now…although I doubt you will ever read this is that someone asked me. Yeah, they just asked me. Honestly, I wasn’t looking for love and it just came without me evening wishing or anything. I was still trying to get over you. Yes you.

    You never messaged me back after our last email. I’m trying to accept that that is what you want and move on. I just wanted to let you know it really upsets me and makes me mad that you would make a move like that and then just decided that it’s me that you don’t want. Love is simple. It should have been simple. You made it complicated.

    So here I am debating whether I should say yes or not, and I’ve decided to say yes to this person. You lost out on what it could have been. You lost out on a beautiful relationship…because it could have been like that and you know it. I was running from you for 6 years. I finally stopped running. What did you do? You started running because you took a stand.

    I don’t even know if I can say hi to you when I see you next. I just want to run in the other direction and avoid you, because I’ll always be wanting to stop and just talk. You’ll just want to say hi and see how things are going. That’s all. That’s it. That kills me.

    I don’t even want to be you friend anymore. But knowing me I’ll probably still be there for you, and I probably won’t ignore you. I will probably be stupid and actually do exactly the opposite of what I don’t want to do. That always happens, because I follow my heart which loves other people whether it’s reciprocated or not…even strangers. That’s just who I am.

    I’m going to move on. I’m going to say yes to this person, because I’ll never know if I don’t. You aren’t here anymore. You aren’t here. What else am I supposed to do? Not live my life or welcome other people into my life that want to be here? You give me no choice. You give me no choice.

    Love should have been simple. But you made it complicated. If you were to talk with me this weekend…maybe you would save us. But I know you won’t. You lost your chance…I’m slowly fading away. What I want is for you to fight for me…but you are letting me go. So you give me no choice but to let you go too.

    I’m letting you go. Maybe someday you’ll look at me and wish that you hadn’t let me go.

    I’m saying yes to him. Wishing that it could have been you.

    Love,
    Ash

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