I think what makes it so difficult to say how I feel is how I stood in front of you, told you I loved you and you had nothing to say. I saw your smirk and I had some idea of what was going on and I said it anyway. How does that make you feel to know that I could stand there knowing that the reason you couldn’t spit it out was because you were trying to come off a certain way in front of your “friends.” First of all, it does not take a rocket scientist to realize what was going on. I definitely heard your father say in my ear that you were moving across from my apartment. You watched me sit there and bawl my eyes out because I knew there was no way you were going to tell me the truth. And the night before I told you I loved you… You like to think you can split it up… I am the same damn person. Didn’t you have time to think about how amazing it felt to feel something real? How can you deny feelings after that? I have to leave being in that complex. I can visualize still and its just dwelling on the past. Since then, I have little or no recollection of any kind of relationship with you. We definitely fell in love fast and hard. I remember that but I also thought I was losing my mind and you have no idea how that affected me. I trusted you with everything and you could have had anything you wanted from me for as long as you wanted it. So how did you do it? Did you make the key when I was in Miami AND bug the house and my car? Or was it the key and car first and then when I went to California you did more work huh? So did you hear me talking about you in the house? You have a key to my car too I’m sure. I just wish you would come to me. You know I’m right about everything I said and I’m not naive but we can play it however you want to play it. If you want me to remember loving you you have to come around. It still hasn’t hit me yet.
There’s really nothing to say. We’re soulmates. I literally love every single thing about you. I’m terrified you have secrets that will make me feel like I want to pull away and figure things out. You did all of this to me and it’s so grand that I can’t hate you for it. But what were you thinking? Actually, it saddens me that you didn’t have faith in me. On the flip side, we’re awesome. I can’t wait to fall asleep with you. I really wish I could hear your voice. When you’re ready I’m sure you can find me. And I don’t know if you still care but I definitely know what I want. What I want, EXACTLY, is for you to be excited about feeling this way. You’re not going to lose me. You will be back to the guy I fell in love with a long time ago. I don’t like how you kept throwing material things in my face when I came over. It made me feel like I had more work to do than I thought and I understood what you were getting at but I can take care of myself. I know you’re different I can see you sometimes there are two desks side by side against the wall. You sit on the right. I feel so safe when you hug me. How did this happen? Ok I have to stop. I still love you.