• Conquer…Hopefully

    by  • February 15, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    Realized this evening that I haven’t even been trying to conquer over my feelings of love. I haven’t even been trying to move on. My thoughts drift towards that one single person that magnetically pulls at the strings of my heart. I let my weak brain drift to thoughts of him.

    How do you move on? How do you just erase all those feelings that have been built up over the years…that I didn’t even know existed until recently and just stop all of it? I should get over it pretty soon right?

    I want to conquer this feeling…this somewhat unconscious commitment to love this person. Consciously, I know I can’t…but when it comes to emotions so strong and painfully vile how do I ignore what has arisen?

    I feel like “I” hold the key to these chains, but my hand is trembling too much for me to actually fit the key into the key hole. I don’t have the strength to let go of these chains. I wish someone was literally here to kick some sense into me. Tell me straight on how it is supposed to be.

    How can he just walk away like that so easily? I want his secret to it all, because I am still pulling at these chains and I just don’t have the strength to get them off my heart.

    Right now chocolate sounds good. Chocolate and coffee sound really good. Maybe I’ll get drunk on coffee and chocolate enough to numb all of this pain that I’m feeling. Maybe the images of him will go away.

    I know what I need to do. I just don’t have the strength. Wish his strength would rub off on me right now so I can conquer this…hopefully.

    Love,
    Ashes

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