• Ben…

    by  • February 15, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    Ben,
    I AM in love with you. I don’t know why I told you I wasn’t. Maybe because it made it easier to move away? Maybe, because I know you are not in love with me. Either way, I really want to tell you, but I don’t know how. I mean we don’t even talk… text every now and then, but when you tell someone you are in love with them it should be in person, and I don’t even know if I will ever see you again… outside of Facebook of course. You are the reason I don’t delete mine… Even though you never post and we don’t IM anymore… just seeing your picture on my friend’s list makes me smile… when the green dot lights up next to your name on IM I get happy too even though I know you won’t contact me. I just don’t get it. I don’t get why we can’t be together. The only thing that hurts more than you being with someone else is that you choose to be alone over being with me. Yet, I’m that stupid girl and as long as we still play Words with Friends, or you still respond to my texts, I won’t give up. I still have hope. hope. that one day we might actually be a real couple. I don’t even know why I want you. I guess just because you never did anything wrong, you never deliberately hurt me. You encouraged me to move, ha, probably to get away from me. I fall asleep thinking about you, I dream about you, and you are the first person on my mind when I wake up… I don’t get it. Yes, the sex is great, and the sexting is fun… but to me it’s more than that… and I deserve more than that, but I can’t even give any other guy a chance because the whole time I am with him I can only think of you… I miss you. I want to come home. I want to tell you I love you. Yes, I love you. But I know I can’t. I can’t come home, you don’t miss me, and you will never love me. One day I will wake up and I will be over you… yeah, sure. I know I need to move on, but I don’t want to let you go. I don’t know how to. I still have this stupid hope. I wish I could shake you and make you understand how I feel… but I know you know how I feel… because you feel the same way… only it’s not about me… it’s about her. At least she knows how you feel. I can never tell you. Night Ben. Sweet dreams…

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