• lost…

    by  • February 14, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, God • 0 Comments

    dear anyone who will listen,
    I can barely let myself see what i’m doing to myself. i’m killing myself without even trying. every time i say fuck it. it stabs me in the heart cuz i kno it will hurt me even more in the end. y oh y do i do this? i kno i shouldn’t but its like water on pebbles my crazy side of me seeps thro. it sudnt it will get me into trouble. i mean i don’t even kno how i made it so far. wit all the shit ive been thro. fuck yo. i wanna say that my heart is heavy wit sin and sorrow. i want to pray i want to believe but idk. everyone always tell me u have to choose either God or that. but that. that keeps the bad things away. that keeps me from feeling pain. that makes me forget. forget it all. God reminds me of it all. y do i have to relive it everyday when i can jus forget? But I LOVE that. my day revolves around that. i already miss it. But wtf. I wanna believe in God. i remember the good old days. but those days God was in my life. now he is not. and i c life in back and white when i used to c it in color. but is that really cuz i stoped believeing or is it jus me being a dumb ass like usual. i wish u cud understand how i feel. its like jello shots i mayb easy to bring to the “dark” side but i come wit a price. i can change anyones mind. its like a gift kinda jus realized it hhahaha. jus kno i love u…:)

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