So. I think I miss you. But I shouldn’t. I REALLY shouldn’t. I mean, you were absolutely horrible to me. You used me, lied to me, and left me. I have cried over you for nine months now, and I know that I don’t even cross your mind once a week. Everything reminds me of you. A song on the radio, something someone says, a movie. But the worst part is, is that you made me feel things I had never felt before. I had never been so happy, confident, and secure in my entire life. You made me feel like I belonged in the world, that I was worth something, that what others had thought of me or made me feel in the past no longer mattered. I think I might have loved you, but I can’t be sure.
I want to see you. I don’t want to see you. I want to be close to you again, but then again I don’t. I wish I could honestly say I want my best friend back, but I don’t think I could do that after what happened.
I want to be CURED. I never want to think about you ever again. I don’t want to care about you. I don’t want to be jealous of her. I don’t want to live with the pain of knowing I wasn’t enough for not only every other man I have ever been close to, but the only boy I have EVER completely surrendered to.
Come back to me, but don’t…