• Tired Feelings…

    by  • February 13, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Self-Esteem • 0 Comments

    N.S.

    It was two years ago today (Valentine’s Day) that I knew I was in love with you, but I didn’t tell you cuz I was scared to lose you as we had only been dating a few months. It was shortly after, that I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I also never told you that for the same reasons. I waited until you told me that you loved me to finally tell you I loved you. Things couldn’t have been any greater throughout that time even though I had these strong feelings for you. No matter what I was going through, or what I had to look forward to, I knew that as long as you were there with me, nothing seemed scary or bad or dangerous. You were my everything. If I had one regret, it was that I didn’t tell you that I loved you sooner, or tell you at all what I thought about where I thought our relationship was going towards.

    It was about 10 months ago that you broke my heart and left me for reasons I have yet to understand or truly know. I know you have moved on and are dating someone else and look happy to me, but I wonder if you ever think about me and what we had together. I know I still do almost every day, and think about it twice as much on our Anniversary, holidays and when I see you around campus. I wonder if those feelings are still present for you because they are still present for me at the same strength they were 10 months ago. I know you, or anyone else might not think that, but it’s something I keep hidden so I can at least try to move on, even though I do a shitty job at that. But I’m tired of pretending like you don’t mean anything to me anymore; I’m tired of pretending that I’m ok emotionally to everyone; I’m tired of pretending that there is someone out there that is better for me than you; I’m tired of pretending to try and move on; I’m tired of being “friend-zoned” by every girl I meet and try to go out with; I’m tired of being that nice guy all of the time; I’m just tired of being so sick and tired all of the time. I will be sitting at my desk and anywhere else wondering if you think about me today, but I doubt it. I wish I knew someone that I could talk to about any of this, but everyone I try to talk to doesn’t understand why I’m so upset about this. I also wonder if you know any of these things at all and care about me anymore at all. I guess I will never know…

    I will always love you no matter what…

    R.A.

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