• moving on?

    by  • February 13, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Moving On • 2 Comments

    So I had a great day today. This weekend, I got my dress, I got over being sick, I deleted that player of a man from facebook and my phonebook…but when I saw you, I still felt it.

    Actually, no, I didn’t. I DIDN’T! Wow, I didn’t feel the tug in my heart, the knots in my stomach-there weren’t any problems with my voice. I held my conversations. I watched you laugh today in our conversation. Hell, I laughed with you at one point when we were all together.

    I don’t miss him, I don’t miss you, but he was never the kind of guy you were. It’s funny, because here I was, thinking he was the asshole all along. I mean, he was, “being friends” with nearly 13 girls and counting…yeah friends, my ass. But you? You made it seem so perfect. You did it so well. And the worst part is, I wish I still wanted you, that’s how good you are.

    But today was the happiest day of my life. Nothing in particular happened, but I was happy. I had no secrets. I had no worries. I had no shadows other than the one cast by the sun.

    And boy, did the sun shine on me.

    So I guess I’m writing this half because it further prevents me from reading about the French Revolution, but also because I’ve written so much, in my diary, all about you. Wanting you, wishing the other guy wanted me more…but he’ll never want me. And you’ve given me up.

    Maybe now is how it feels to be entirely content with yourself. I hope and pray that you are just as happy with that girl you’re with tomorrow as I will be with my friends. Because in the end, who do I have? It’s definitely not you, or him, or even most of my family. It’s me.

    2 Responses to moving on?

    1. BS
      February 13, 2012 at 5:32 pm

      Sure today was busier than many and spent this way and that.
      Most definitely, it’s been hard to find exact words to describe recent days.
      Double-y-sure that reality does seem to be sucking seems like too frequently lately.
      BUT I’m double-assuredly-squared that today wasn’t bad enough to be describing like something that doesn’t exist. I don’t wanna hurt reality’s feelings.
      (that second one’s having quite an impact on my ‘word speed’)

    2. Smores
      February 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm

      Wow.. No one has ever spoken my thoughts and feelings the way you just have. Believe it or not, that just about sums up my life and the guys. He made me believe so many things that aren’t true. And the other one will never look at me the same now. And my family, yeah, don’t have many of them either. It’s me against the world. I’ve accepted this because I caused this to happen, because I let him convince me the sky was green and the grass was blue. I’m moving on slowly, but it’s happening. I wish you the best.

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