• I don’t know what to say….

    by  • February 13, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Cheating • 0 Comments

    It wasn’t the first time we had been alone in the same place together, not by a long shot. After all, there is nothing wrong with two friends spending time together, right? You have been there for me more times than I can count, and I have tried to be there for you whenever you needed me. The problem is that somewhere along the way, my feelings for you got crossed up somehow. Somehow, somewhere along the way, I have fallen in love with you. I don’t mean the love two close friends share for each other. I mean the kind of love shared between a woman and a man. I have loved you for a long time but you’re married to a friend of mine so I try very, very hard to keep my thoughts, my feelings, my actions in check. I gave up trying not to love you a long time ago because no matter how hard I tried to change the way I feel, the love I feel for you is still there. But it wasn’t so hard before, to keep my thoughts to myself. After all, I knew you only saw me as a friend and nothing more. Oh sure, you have flirted with me before when you were drinking but you have a flirty personality that tends to take over when you’re drinking, so I knew you weren’t seriously interested in me. After all, I’m just not the kind of woman that men notice or think of as sexy, desirable. That’s okay with me, because I already belong to someone else. I’m ashamed to say that has not stopped you from starring in my fantasies night after night. I know it’s wrong, I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do and I just can’t seem to help myself. And as unbelievable as it sounds (even to me), I truly love the man I’m with. If that isn’t screwed up, I don’t know what is. But it’s the honest truth. I have discovered that it is possible to love two different people at the same time. I felt something different between us that day. I can’t really explain it. It was like there was a charge in the air all around us. I kept avoiding looking directly into your eyes. We were trying to make small talk about anything and everything. Somehow in the midst of this meaningless conversation, we managed to end up standing side by side. You reached out to hug me, you know one of those one-arm hugs that friends share. And I put my arm around you in the same kind of hug. The next moment, you reached with your hand around me and started gently pulling on my neck until I was facing you. I kept staring at the floor, not trusting myself to look into your beautiful eyes…so afraid that I would lose control and give in to what I felt inside. I think you knew that too, because you gently raised my chin and made me look into your eyes. That did it…I was too weak with the love and desire I have tried so desperately to keep buried for so long, I didn’t have strength to stop you from kissing me or to find it in myself to even begin to want to stop kissing you back. For a few brief moments in time, I was lost in the kiss of the man I love. I wanted that moment to never end. But I finally found the strength to pull away and say the last thing I wanted to say. I had to tell you to stop, that we couldn’t do this, we couldn’t hurt her that way. As you hugged me tight and said “I know”, I had to tell you the truth, that I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to. We shared one more passionate kiss that was so sweet and so tender all at the same time. This time, when I tried to pull away, you apparently weren’t ready for it to end either, because you gently wound your hand in my hair and held me in that kiss, in that moment. Finally though, we both stopped and held each other tightly one more time. I left still feeling like my lips, my whole body was on fire from that kiss. I want you to know that brief moment in time meant so much to me, even though I know it can never happen again, even though I know it shouldn’t have happened this time. I wonder if I’ve been on your mind since I walked away, like you’ve been on my mind. I know this can never be between us. There would just be too many casualties, too many people that would be hurt. But I love you anyway and just want to say thank you for making me feel like a beautiful, sexy, desirable woman. Take care of yourself. I miss you….

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