Trying to just get through the day, but I realized something. I will always love you. I always have, J. I was running away from you for so long because I was afraid of what I felt for you. Intensity. Emotional closeness. Connection with no one else like before. I’ve been running from what I’ve felt. I remember the first time I met you and I felt like I had finally come home. I never got enough time talking to you it seemed like. I could still talk to you for hours.
Today has been tough. It still is because I’m always going to love you. That will never change. Now I’ll always be the one waiting… and you’ve moved on so quickly. It hurts.
What made it worse today is that Dad and I got in a fight earlier this afternoon. I feel like I’m being torn in so many different ways that now I don’t know which direction to look except up. You always pointed up no matter how you were feeling and I admired your strength to keep going.
I’ll never forget that poem you shared with me. Right now even though I feel so alone, I know that God is carrying me through….through the sand. The Lord knows I need it right now. So much.
Isaiah 41:10 is my favorite. Fear thou not for I am with thee. Be not dismayed for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee, yea I will help thee. I cling to both of those right now, because the rest of my world just fell apart when you left.
I still love you.