• So, about my….

    by  • February 12, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Miss You • 2 Comments

    I know things didn’t work out as planned. Believe me, I sit up at night and wonder how you’re doing. I miss you so much, even just as a friend, I miss you so so much. You were perfect to me, treated me so well, I couldn’t even believe a guy like you existed. I really don’t know what I was thinking. I was torn over you and him, I went with him, it felt like the right thing to do, but I knew the actual right thing to do was to be with you. I’m scared his change isn’t permanent, you tell me it’s not and I know I’ll look like a fool if you prove me right. I’m hoping and praying he stays this way because he’s treating me right now, from what I know, he really is, and I’m sure you’d be a little happy about it.

    I know you tell me he’s a liar and a cheater, I don’t know if that’s true. I know you’ll tell me I’m lying to myself and his lies make me happy, I don’t know if that’s true either. I also don’t know why I can’t say this to you. I guess I’m too scared of you flipping out on me. I do care about you. God, I care about you more than you know and I hate the change between us. The one word answers I send are because I’m trying to detach from you, because things remind me of you. I go to work hoping to see you, even if you wont talk to me, I just want to see you.

    This is care, I do care for you.

    I love him though. I fell for him long before you and I started talking. When you and I started hooking up, him and I weren’t together, but he still had my heart, but please don’t get me wrong, I had feelings for you, and some still linger on. The anxiety to see you, not bad anxiety, good anxiety. I know it’s wrong, and I know that you and I cannot carry on.

    You’re leaving.

    You’re being deployed this year.

    I’m sorry, that’s such an emotional strain that I know I wouldn’t be able to handle, I’m not that strong, and at one point I thought I might be. Your anger though. Oh my, your anger. I think that’s actually what caused me to leave, is the fact that when you’re angry you tear me to pieces, you rip me apart, say I’m lying and used you. I never used you. I had legit feelings for you, something that night just told me, this isn’t right, maybe you’re not the one for me.

    You say that you should become a jackass and lie and cheat on girls, stop being the nice guy, and maybe girls wont be able to move on from you.

    No, don’t do that.

    You told me in the beginning in one of our fights that I was like every other girl who goes back to their cheating boyfriend. Maybe I am.

    I worry and wonder about it everyday. But believe me, one day, when you meet that one special girl who steals your heart and you fall in love, you’re going to want to give her the world. You deserve better than what I could give you, hun.

    Remember that.

    I may seem cold and distant towards you, but it’s for your best benefit, I promise

    And you telling me you miss me and wish I was there makes it so hard for me to not go to you and hug you.

    I do miss you holding me.

    I’m sorry.


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    2 Responses to So, about my….

    1. DC
      February 13, 2012 at 4:45 am

      What is one to say? We make our decisions and live with the consequences. I can tell you this: guys know guys better than girls know guys. If a guy says another guy hasn’t changed, he hasn’t. Once a liar, once a cheat, pretty much always a liar and a cheat.

      Except for the being deployed line I thought for sure this was to me. My advice to C, if this were her, kick him to the curb before he gets to show his true colors, repair the damage you’ve caused with your family and friends. Then, call me and we’ll sort it out.

      But, she won’t and you likely won’t either – you’ve made your decisions and made them publicly and losing face, having to admit you made a huge mistake, is worse than letting him drag you down to the mud again. So the guy you’re saying is better for you, that you think you want to be with, will move on down the road. Don’t call him later on – you’ll hear “why is this stranger bothering me?” in his voice and that will hurt you.

      Remember what I’ve told you before C – the lies we tell ourselves are stronger and more potent than the ones we tell others. No one around you believes you’re happy – you’re the only one who believes that. Everyone else is waiting for the train wreck.

      Me? I’ll always answer my phone. You may not like the tone in my voice or the female voice in the background. Best make up your mind pretty soon.



    2. Anthony
      February 14, 2012 at 11:01 pm

      Girls like you are the reason guys like me want to destroy everything around us and rebuild our world with a vision…. without the girl like you in it.



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