You are perfect. In every way possibly imaginable. You treat me like I deserve to be treated. And you love treating me the way I deserve to be treated. You say all the nicest things. You love spending time with me. You are perfection.
So why can’t I fall? Why am I still so guarded? Is it my past holding me back? Or is it the fear of being held back in the future? Is it that we are only dating, so I won’t let myself hope for more? Is it me? Is it you? Can’t be you. You’re perfect.
I’m so scared. I don’t want to find the one yet. I’m 19 years old. I’m still in college. I have huge dreams to get the hell away from here. I have huge dreams for a family. But I’m scared to find the one already. I have so much life ahead of me. I’m only 19.
You don’t move too fast. I know you just like spending time with me. But it scares me. Relationships scare me. I like spending time with you too. I’m just not clingy. I can’t always stay the night at your house and come see you and you come see me. I WILL run. I don’t want to but I will. I can’t handle all this so fast. I don’t want to hurt you. You need to back off and let me chill out. I know you want to treat me like I’m the only thing that matters in the world to me, but don’t.
I can’t believe I’m saying this. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But now that it’s here I just can’t handle it. Maybe I’m not ready. I don’t know. I just need to go slow. Or maybe I just need it to be official, so I can feel totally comfortable.
You do everything perfect. You call me. Take me on dates. Go out with me. Stay in with me. Accept that I’m busy all the time. Like me for who I am, and don’t expect me to change. I’m not used to it. And I guess it scares me.
I’m sorry, really I am. I’m trying to let my walls down and fall completely. I’m just too scared to. I hope you understand. I just need you to go slowly with me. I want to love again. I want to fall head over heels. I really do.