• Perfectly Imperfect.

    by  • February 12, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Fear • 1 Comment

    You are perfect. In every way possibly imaginable. You treat me like I deserve to be treated. And you love treating me the way I deserve to be treated. You say all the nicest things. You love spending time with me. You are perfection.

    So why can’t I fall? Why am I still so guarded? Is it my past holding me back? Or is it the fear of being held back in the future? Is it that we are only dating, so I won’t let myself hope for more? Is it me? Is it you? Can’t be you. You’re perfect.

    I’m so scared. I don’t want to find the one yet. I’m 19 years old. I’m still in college. I have huge dreams to get the hell away from here. I have huge dreams for a family. But I’m scared to find the one already. I have so much life ahead of me. I’m only 19.

    You don’t move too fast. I know you just like spending time with me. But it scares me. Relationships scare me. I like spending time with you too. I’m just not clingy. I can’t always stay the night at your house and come see you and you come see me. I WILL run. I don’t want to but I will. I can’t handle all this so fast. I don’t want to hurt you. You need to back off and let me chill out. I know you want to treat me like I’m the only thing that matters in the world to me, but don’t.

    I can’t believe I’m saying this. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But now that it’s here I just can’t handle it. Maybe I’m not ready. I don’t know. I just need to go slow. Or maybe I just need it to be official, so I can feel totally comfortable.

    You do everything perfect. You call me. Take me on dates. Go out with me. Stay in with me. Accept that I’m busy all the time. Like me for who I am, and don’t expect me to change. I’m not used to it. And I guess it scares me.

    I’m sorry, really I am. I’m trying to let my walls down and fall completely. I’m just too scared to. I hope you understand. I just need you to go slowly with me. I want to love again. I want to fall head over heels. I really do.

    One Response to Perfectly Imperfect.

    1. AJ
      February 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

      I hope I can help. I’m also 19, and a year ago I was in your exact position: perfect beyond perfect guy, confusion, not being ready for commitment, feeling smothered, not knowing if you should get out, run, or stick it out. Well I stuck it out and let me tell you it was the best decision of my life, and it wasn’t just a decision I made on my own, I talked to him about it. The best thing you can do is explain your feelings. If he really is perfect, he will understand everything. Don’t let your guard down, I know it’s scary. Wait a while for that. But until you feel like you can, be open and honest with him. Tell him you feel smothered and uncomfortable with clinginess. Tell him you need to take it slow! Guys understand that more than you may think. But I will tell you, don’t run just yet. You may regret it. It’s so hard today to find a great guy, they are all selfish a-holes! Seriously! Your guy sounds lovely, and sounds like he is clingy because he doesn’t want to let you go. He most likely doesn’t know you feel like this. I’m sure means well, and there is only one way to find out. A good relationship is based around honesty and TRUE feelings. Talk to him, before its too late 🙂
      -AJ

    Leave a Reply