For the last 16yrs you have been the one. The one thing in my life I have grown to count on, the one thing in my life that is constant and makes me feel safe and the one thing I regret. I don’t regret you, I don’t regret us, I regret being so afraid of what I felt for you, what I still feel for you that I ran and hid behind other relationships and other interests. I’m the one that screwed it up for us. The timing hasn’t matched up since. It’s made me believe that there is a moment in all of our lives that we have a decision to make and that decision can alter the entire destiny. Now all we are is friends. Every part of me is screaming walk away. Our friendship is so vital to me but I just can’t sit in the room with you and pretend that all we have is football and Star Wars talk. I can’t pretend that every part of me physically, emotionally and psychologically isn’t screaming out for you. There’s another part of me that says I can’t live without you in my life some way, even just as friends.
I’m at an impasse. I’m stuck. I have no clue what to do. I’m lost.