• it’s hard not to be pessimistic sometime..

    by  • February 12, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    I know what you all say about me. And I honestly didn’t expect it.. It’s not that I think I’m better then it all, because really I don’t. I just never expected it from you. Any of you.

    R: So I’m a lost cause, eh? I’m hopeless and broken and lonely. It’s nice to know that’s what you think. Don’t come around and ask what ruined our friendship. You did! Shit, you probably never expected me to know any of what you said. But really?! Who says stuff about your ‘best friend’ anyways?! I’m sorry i wasn’t willing to have sex with you in grade 11. And I never meant to screw around with your feeling- if that’s what I did. It was YOUR best friend who fucked me over and screwed with my heart in the first place. And THAT’S why I haven’t actually dated anyone or kissed anyone or anything like that. Call me whatever, but don’t expect me to call you a friend.

    T: I’m sorry. I really like you. I think I could love you, eventually. But I’m shy, uncomfortable in relationships. I know I messed around with you before. I led you on, and then just said no. I can’t say anything more then I’m sorry for that though, and I hope you’ve forgiven. I cannot tell you how happy I am that you said yes to me for Grad. I smile at least thrice a day because of it. I can’t wait for that day. But until then, are we trying again? I can’t tell. I think we are. I think you like me again. And I know I like you. But at the same time.. what if you’re just returning the favor? Screwing around with me like I, admittedly, and accidentally, did to you. I hope you’re not. You’re hard to read though. You sister is talking to me more again. She tends to talk to me a lot when you like me, I realized that last year. Maybe I’m just being scared, I need to stop doing that. Please. Let’s give us a try?

    C: I know we always argue, but you’re still a really great friend of mine. I can’t say I’m going to do all in my power to continue our friendship after grad.. I just don’t see it happening. But I still love you, you are one of my best friends. I’m sorry. I have admitted to being wrong, I shouldn’t have read that conversation between you and R. But I figured, what harm could it do? It was the only one I read, I swear to god. And I’m not even mad at you. I was at first, but I realize now that it wasn’t even you that instigated any of it. It was R that said everything. You just agreed to it. Which was a bit of a slap to the face, I wish you would have stood up for me, but I’m just glad you weren’t saying things. I can’t help but think that because you weren’t standing up for me, you agree with everything he said- but for now I’ll just ignore that. We only have a couple months left till grad anyways, right?

    CH: Hi best friends boyfriend. So you don’t want T to go to grad with me hey? You think I’m a bitch.. don’t much like me cause of me and him.. Thanks. Good to know. You’re an awesome guy, and I’m not gonna tell your girlfriend any of this.. I think It’s better- It won’t hurt me as much- if I just ignore it. So that’s what I’ll do. I think if I can just get over that, we can continue on with this friendship. But next time I ask you something, tell me the truth!

    and all my Girls: I talk about guys too much. I’m insecure. I make every little thing into such a big deal. I now know that that’s what all of you think. And I’m going to do everything I can to stop that. Bad habits die hard though, eh? Please. Give me a chance.

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