• Hate That I Love You

    by  • February 12, 2012 • Confusion • 3 Comments

    Do you have any goddamn idea how much I care about you?
    Surely you know that I still love you.
    You make me love you with that smile, that amazing personality and everything else that makes up you.
    The way you talk to me. Are you trying to hurt me? Or do you just unknowingly love to be loved by me?
    Because while we both know I need to get over you, you don’t give me any room to have a good go at it. You aren’t helping me let go. I can’t help but ask ‘why’?
    Do you even know that despite everything, how much it seems like you are the WORST choice of person for me, how everybody is telling me to LET THIS GO, how much loving you slices me up inside… You are still the girl I want.
    I know right! IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!
    It’s not like I have any problems with meeting new people and it’s not like I feel that if I can’t make it with you, I can’t make it with anyone… It’s really not like that at all.
    Because I could. Quite easily I could go ahead and date one of these other people.
    I just don’t want to.
    I want to be with you.

    You once wanted to be with me, you know…
    There was a time there where I was your world and we made each other so happy and complete. What the hell happened, babe?

    You are now dating someone else and they live on the other side of the country from you. You left me because of the distance we faced and now you’re DOING long distance with this new person.

    Why were you not even willing to TRY the distance with me, yet you are with him? I really honestly thought that you and I had a love that was stronger than that. Strong enough to at least TRY. Perhaps not. Fuck.

    When we talk on the phone every now and again and one of us calls it a night- have you noticed that you are usually the first to hang up? It’s because I can’t bring myself to do it and the moment the phone goes dead, I get to close my eyes and whisper these three now forbidden words… “I Love You”.
    It’s ridiculous! Why on Earth do I love you? I hate to love you.

    You’re like a bad drug trip. You make me feel crook but I can’t seem to let you go as easily as I want to…

    How do I ask you for room to move on? You’re vital to my existence and I don’t want to tell you to go away. Because that seems scarier than all of this combined. I need you, but at the same time I need you to leave me be.

    Confused as fuck.

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    3 Responses to Hate That I Love You

    1. wondering
      February 12, 2012 at 2:30 pm

      wish I knew if this were to me


    2. Grayson
      February 12, 2012 at 5:18 pm

      also wondering if this is to me, because it sounds scarily like the way you talk, and sounds scarily like our history.


    3. me
      February 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm

      can’t continue much more here



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