• Lost Hope

    by  • February 11, 2012 • Disappointment • 0 Comments

    You really know how to push me too far sometimes. I know I’m not perfect, and I’m well aware you’re not either. I know there are some things that you can’t control, and lets face it, that’s life. But it’s like that’s your excuse for everything. You have let me down so much within the past year. My heart aches because of you. Everything you have told me you were going to do, hasn’t happened. The only time it actually does happen is when I get upset, because you feel like you’re obligated to. Then you feel like that’s suppose to make it all better. I don’t understand how. Why should I have to get upset just for you to do the thing you originally said you were doing to do? That’s not right. You’ve done this countless of times, some that weren’t too big of a deal, but there are two main things that you have done that have hurt, terribly. One of them actually being a straight out lie. Remember when you said you were coming here for Christmas and then didn’t come at all? Then tell me you sent me all of my gifts? Remember how you then told me you just wanted to tell me what I wanted to hear? I remember that perfectly. It still fucking hurts. Then yesterday. I get my tooth pulled, the one that has given me a problem for a year and a half, you know, the one I could have died over. I get that pulled, and you don’t ever ask me how I feel. You don’t care. You tell me you have a basketball game in which I stay up until 11 at night just to talk to you, even when I had specific instructions to get well rested because of my tooth. I don’t even acknowledge that. Why? Because I wanted to talk to the one person who would’ve made my day better. I was already having a bad day since I had to see the trailer I’m about to move into. But what do you do when you get home? “I don’t want to skype, I hurt too much. I hurt my knee. I’m tired. We’ll do it tomorrow. Why are you overreacting, you should just accept it and tell me to feel better.” Wow. Coming from someone who didn’t say “I hope you feel better.” or “Baby, you should get some rest.” Nothing. Of course that got me upset. I wasn’t mad, I felt unloved. That me completely ignoring my pain in my mouth, and the fatigue I was enduring wasn’t even enough for you to acknowledge. I understand you messed your knee up, and I’m sorry you were experiencing. I would never wish for you to be in pain. I’m sorry I wanted to talk to my boyfriend even though I too was in pain. I just think it’s ridiculous that when I started to rant about it on twitter that you went upstairs, with an attitude mind you, that you wanted to talk to me. Then you expect it to be all better, because I “got what I wanted”. No, that’s the exact opposite. I want what you say is going to happen, to happen without me having to get upset about it. I’ve never told you I was going to do something and then end up not doing it. Never. I mean, not that the only thing you ask me for is fucking phone sex. I hate having to do it, and you know I do, but I still fucking doing it for you. Why? Because I want you to be happy. I may joke around and be like “No you’re not getting it.” But in the end what happens? YOU FUCKING GET IT. And you know what’s funny about that situation too? You’re the one who said you weren’t going to ask for it anymore. But I should’ve known you can’t ever stick to your word. I’m tired of the unfairness. You get what you want, even if I don’t want to do it. But why is it when you tell me you’re going to do something, I have to fight for it? I just don’t understand. But I guess I’m just gonna have to deal, because nothing is going to change. You’ve proved that to me.

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