• this is technically not a letter to johnny d.

    by  • February 10, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    i promised i’d not send you another letter, but you let me know that the exception is for soldiers serving oversees. so this website is my loophole and i’m going to use it for as long as the war in Afghanistan is keeping you in the service… anyways i had this idea that we were the only two people in the whole world who knew that dreams come true… and not fancy ones or the ones where homeless people win the lottery or whatever, but just regular boring dreams people have when they finally get a peaceful night’s rest after working too hard or being too sad… the ones that get them through the day or the week or the year, etc. well i don’t dream much anymore and it seems like life is getting less and less realistic as the time passes without that old familiar respite, so i figured i might as well start making the most of this kinda dreamlike state rather than letting each day seem like a nightmare or a suspense novel that never gets to the good part even though you’re already a 100 pages into the story… i’m going to kick butt at being mediocre, and i’m going to be the typical citizen with a twist; i won’t just shake a soldier’s hand or put my hand over my chest for the national anthem to show my appreciation… i’m going to use my free speech and free mind to make something happen to shake stuff up in a good way. you’re the reason i feel like this, because i remember you telling me the first day we talked you’d be a Marine, that it was your dream and your goal. I remember the day you called me to tell me you were going to boot camp. I remember the day you told me you’d either need surgery or you’d be stuck behind a desk. It all felt the same way to me… I was proud of you and happy for you, you inspired me to keep going. When we stopped talking, I honestly almost gave up Sitting Bull style. It’s taken a long time, but I’m done with the process of losing you (Grief, Anger, etc). Plus you’re still alive, and living your dream, so I still have faith that there is good in the world, even if it’s not because of or meant for me. That’s alright, and actually it’s pretty cool that you can give someone else that opportunity to experience your light.

    I want to make someone else feel like that, and I always wanted to make someone else understand the fire that gets lit when you watch a dream come true… but I never figured it out that you have to 1. be blessed enough to be given a dream and 2. brave enough and stupid enough to make sure it gets attained.

    yea well anywho like i was saying, i don’t technically have dreams anymore but i do have many more tangible resources to utilize in a variety of ways. not just my intelligence, looks, and ability to go head first into whatever i’m doing… but that’s for a much different conversation.

    i’m still doing my regular, boring thing with learning. but on the side i’m going to start helping people who are barely getting by… the ones who feel like nobody is worth living for… the ones who feel like ghosts in crowds… the ones who feel like everything they’ve ever looked up to has fallen down and broken… cause i’ve been there and i’ve come back… and i want to share the momentum before it’s too late or before i forget i care. this time i’m not losing myself, i’m just giving what i have extra. pretty cool stuff. and i don’t care that everyone told you lies about me and you believed them, i don’t care that we stopped talking, and i don’t care that i used your full name and you know exactly who this is. i’m just saying thanks, because you know i’m awkward and sweet like that.

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