i don’t understand myself well enough. i thought i did, and i’ve been proven wrong twice before, and now for the third time i’m gonna screw myself over cause i don’t know what is going on inside my head. you know one of the times i’ve screwed up, but not the other. it was the same though. basically, that whole stereotypical head vs. heart situation made me loose a friend, again. and i hate it, because every time i see either one of them i know we can never be as close again no matter what i do. but ive known you for years, but we’ve only become really close this past year. duh, you know this, but what i don’t know is if you value me as much as i value you. i can’t ask you that, because right now we’re just friends, right? that’s where my confusion starts. i don’t know if i want to be more than friends with you, but i think about it enough for that to seem true. also, i don’t think there’s even a chance that you care about me in that way, so why take the chance? i only get to see you once (or sometimes twice) a year in the summer, but seeing as this might be my last year there’s a good chance i might not see you again. so is it worth it to regret never finding out, or regret ruining our friendship? if i did either, there’s at least one thing i know for sure. if anything ever happened between us, this time i know what i would want out of it. long distance relationships suck, but i think it would be worth it for you. you’re funny, sweet, charming, a little off the beaten path like me, and i can talk to you about anything. so why would i throw all of that away and make that same mistake again? i won’t. i don’t want to. i’m afraid to. so please tell me if any of this even crosses you’re mind, because i can’t ask you. i would be honest with you, promise, but i’m not gonna be the one to bring it up this time. my head tells me not to, but my heart tells me to take a chance. laugh all you want, i sound like some stupid girl who has absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. so what i’m trying to say is, if you like me, tell me. if you don’t, great. i’ll take either one gladly. one option would satisfy my head, the other my heart. pick and choose.