• My Love…This is only for You

    by  • February 10, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye • 2 Comments

    I went for a walk this afternoon to clear my head. I admit. I was thinking about you over there. I’m torn between what is right and what is not. Desire is powerful. Somehow our friendship over the years has remained sealed.

    I actually wrote a song last week about that story. Let me tell you my heart. We’ve been friends before there was any of this other middle. Why our feelings came out now I’ll never understand, because it didn’t always used to be like this.

    Our friendship was real. It is still real. That being said. I know what I have to do. It would be different if we met down the years, and there was no middle. It would be different and I could imagine what it would be like to build and raise a family with you. Even now that is what my heart longs for.

    I really care for you. I really do. I’ve fought. I’ve written on here with my thoughts, myself, my inner most demons. Love is simple though. I’ve been trying to make it complicated. It’s simple.

    You care. I care. We know what we have to do. The fact that we can only come here to talk through things means it’s a lie. True love doesn’t have to hide. It doesn’t have to write on wishful thinking. It doesn’t tear other people apart.

    I’m not going to tell you to leave the middle. I’m not going to tell you that I’ll never see you again. But we have to stop. It’s got to stop… in order for there to ever be a future with you…. if things were to change.

    You wrote a beautiful letter that explained it all a few days ago. What you said is true and I need to accept it and trust you that You also know and care about me enough to walk away.

    This is love. We started out as friends. To love one another is to do what is right for both of us. I really do love you. If I didn’t I would be asking you to do something that will ruin your life, and mess mine up more. I care more for you then you probably even realize.

    There are things that I want to say, but I don’t want you to choose to walk away from the middle just because of me. You need to find that for yourself. I can’t be apart of that.

    It’s hard really really letting you go and as you requested to forget you. I’m battling even now as I speak with this letter. If we were to continue on it would be a lie. It would all be a lie. Our friendship was never like that to begin with. I want it to remain a friendship that is true, pure, and lovely.

    I don’t think you are horrible. In fact I admire you even more for knowing what is right too for both of us. I know we both battle with this. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be tough on my end.

    I know you love me. I love you too. This is love by walking away. That is real love… caring enough to do what is right.

    I’ve got to say goodbye to LINS. If I stayed on here I would be tempted to let it go further than it should. LINS has taught me so much about myself and where I need to be. It’s taught me about what love really is and to go further wouldn’t really be loving.

    I’ve got to say goodbye to you and let you go. I don’t want to. But what I want is not an option. I care too much about you. I love you too much to ruin your life and ours.

    So go love. Fly to where you need to be. Don’t think for one moment that I didn’t ever love you or don’t. Time was not on our side… again.

    What you said really hit me. You needed to walk away too if you were to ever have a future with me. That’s exactly it. You always know what to say and how to say it.

    Know this always

    I love you too

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    2 Responses to My Love…This is only for You

    1. sometimes
      February 11, 2012 at 9:02 am

      Sometimes longing, yearning, love in disguise of impossibility becomes romanitcised in ways, that while living in reality would potentially prove to be very different. Not sure if what I say makes sense. Feelings are elevated if not looked upon rationally. If what both of you is not only a version of wishful thinking of how you dream life to be, then neither should give up but rather fight to make your dreams come true. Yes, there will be pain. Yes, it won’t be easy. Yes, spouses will be hurt. Yes to all the darkest fears you imagine but it will be worth it in the long run. For the both of you and everybody else who may get hurt along the way. If neither one of you love the ones you are with, they won’t find happiness either. How unfair is that? Who are you two trying to safe? What is right and what is wrong in love? Do we really choose to feel how we feel? Observe, think and know yourself, be sure what you both feel is not just built on a beautiful fantasy. If it is real – be there for each other in hard times of working towards a common goal, a life together. Love should never be separated.


    2. author
      February 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

      Good point. I never thought of it like that, but unfortunately I’m sure he already read this so now what do I do? This love that I have is real… it’s not just fantasy… we’ve been friends for years… it just happened at the most horrible timing possible for him…but I can’t deny that I love him… really love him. We have been separated by this love and now we are just realizing it… and more than anything now I wish I hadn’t typed out anything…I wish he hadn’t read this letter.

      If he would give me one more chance of many… then I would say please let’s just go for it. Now! I need him. He is the only one. My life without him is not complete.



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