• casually a catastrophe

    by  • February 10, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    Every time I walk by our park, I think of you. Your eyes, your goofy smile, that weird double chin face you’d make when you’d look down at the ESPN messages you’d receive when we were together. I was so happy we were finally together, for everyone to see. It scared the hell out of me. But you made me so happy.

    We’d been best friends ever since the night I called you and told you my secrets. You were dating her, and although I was close to her, I knew I had to be closer to you.

    And when we were a fling, it excited me that your first words were “wow, you’re definitely the one.” I didn’t interpret that correctly at the time-I thought we’d be together for a long, long time. But I was wrong.

    We dated for a few months, secretly. It was cute, we were the cliche secret relationship. I took yours, and you took mine. But then you dumped me. I was okay. Although I was disappointed, I wasn’t the mess I thought I’d be.

    A month passed. We barely talked. And one day, we went out together, just as friends. You said you missed me. You kissed my fingertips. And you told me you thought a lot about losing me. You kissed me, and said you wanted me back. I wanted you, too. So, we were together officially. The summer was perfect with you.

    But you texted me one night. You said we were better off as friends. I called you, just to tell you never to do that again. I cried for days. I thought about you for weeks. And you had a new girlfriend. She was just who everyone expected you to be with-nothing like me.

    Now, you’ve got a new girl. And even though you and her are in the same lunch, you choose to torment me. And sit at my table. With my friends. Yes, my friends. Not ours. You dumped them along with me way back when. So what are you expecting? What do you want? Why did you text me on new years, drunkenly telling me you wanted me? That I’m beautiful?

    You are not my type anymore. You are not who I’d want to show my parents to. I have a new guy now. He doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful every day-we are a secret, too. I guess he makes me happy. But you still are the center of my world. I’ve never had a best friend, boyfriend, or heartbreak like you.

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