I was so, so heart broken.
The boy I knew in high school who came randomly into my life as a man, 7 years post graduating, who brought me so much joy in 3 short months, had broken my heart.
You told me it was because of the things going on in your life. The issue with your parents. your sister. the death in your family. You had so much going on, so much to try and be strong through and you felt you couldnt give yourself to a relationship. You didn’t want to hurt me down the line, you didn’t want to make me resent you.
In that past month apart, I cried, I moped, I cried some more, and then I was at peace. I understood why you did it and I understood it wasn’t me. you had to do some soul searching. You were in a dark place. I just worried and worried that we’d never have another chance.
And then last night. You came home from London, last week, from a family funeral and you said you wanted to see me. I knew something changed. In the way you texted me, in the jokes you told. You were the person I knew. The one before those sad things brought you down.
Last night we went out. And it was a date. I wasn’t sure at first. I was nervous, scared as hell, thought I’d have to deal with us just being friends. Wasn’t sure I could, with the way I feel about you. But it was a date. We snuggled at the movies like we used to. And in the car, before I went up to my apartment… it came out. It came out that you had changed your mind. That something you had gone through made you put things in perspective (something I look forward to discussing the next time we see each other, as you promised).
You kissed me. And it felt wonderful to kiss you again. I whispered to you “I missed you” and you joked (like you always joke) “Well, I WAS away…”
“you know what I mean.”
Another few kisses and then you whispered “I missed you too.”
I am so flattered, feel so wonderful that in all that time I was so sad, and thinking about you, and worried you were not doing the same… you were. To be thought of by someone, longed for, to have someone turn around and say, essentially, “I made a mistake and you are worth it,” that’s more than I could ever ask for.
So I’m ready to try this again. I’m ready. I’m here for all the sad moments in your life. And for all the happy. Let’s do this. Let’s take the chance.
I can’t wait to kiss you again.