You’re so young. You’re too young. I remember being exactly where you are now. Having everybody look down on you, casting judgemental eyes. I remember how that feels so well. So well it’s making me cry. Are you feeling disconnected? I promise it will pass. Keep your head above the water. You made a big mistake, dude. You’ve made a few and now things are getting way out of hand. Other people are getting hurt and I can’t just let that slide. I care about you too much to let that happen. It’s time now to take a breath and use that strength you have tucked away somewhere. I am not calling you weak, mate. Weakness is when you abandon all hope and give up on the most important thing. Yourself. Even though you might feel as if there’s no way out of this hole you have so skilfully dug, you have failed to remember these important things. These very crucial and unconditional thing….
I still believe in you. I still respect you. I am still here.
I want to apologize to you right now. I want to hold you close and tell you that I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you as much as I could have been. You and I have a bond in this family that cannot be matched. Even if they whisper uneducated talk about what’s going on with you and your life, just know that I will defend you. I don’t care if they start talking smack about me as well. I will stay true to your side. Even though I don’t approve of your recent behaviour in the slightest, please do not mistake that for me not believing in YOU. I really didn’t know you were capable of what went down today. I am not here to lie either, I am quite disgusted at what apparently happened. But until I hear your side as well, we shall not talk about it any further. The more important thing I want to talk about is where your head is right now. You’re better than this. Disagree all you like, but I know deep down you know this to be true.
I see so much good in you. I wish you would see it too.
Let me tell you a thing or two about these ‘mates’ you’re chilling with. They make you feel like something and all you want to do is be part of their world. Am I right? That separate world. You don’t see them answering questions in class. Heck, I bet half of them haven’t even been to a class in a while. These are the cool ‘don’t give a fuck’ mates. ‘Cool’? What a bad choice of word. They’re losers. It took me years to realize that. Another thing (and I’m sorry for being so brutally honest), these people don’t care about you. They wanna bring you down to where they are, so they don’t have to feel the pain of seeing someone else pass them in the world. They want a world of people just like them. So that they feel like they’re better than they are in this reality. Learn to recognize your True Friends from these Phonies. I did in time and they are the best chosen family members I could have ever asked for. I only hope one day you get to experience that, too.
It trips me out how much of my younger self in you.
I can see you heading down a dark road that I once took. I see you facing tough choices between what is right and what you think is cool. I can’t deny it; taking the dark road is exhilarating. It’s foreign and it tingles the nerves. But I will tell you this now and I urge you to believe it…. That road is a dead end and getting out is no 3-point turn. It’s a mission and you might need the help of someone to direct you. I hope that it never comes to that stage… But even if it did, I will still be there to direct you. Because I know you’ll be wanting out. I just hope you figure this out for yourself sooner rather than later.
I am desperate to talk to you, but I must be patient. I hope you know that I’m here thinking of you. I’ll see you as soon as I can.
I love you and I still believe in you.