• Where did I go wrong?

    by  • February 7, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Friends • 3 Comments

    I need an unbiased opinion. I’ve tried talking to my friends, to my family, and to my boyfriend, but everyone is taking sides. I don’t want this, and I don’t know what else to do. Here’s the scoop:

    My best friend (of 7 years) and I were out to dinner with four other people. I had already eaten before going, but preceded to order a small appetizer for myself. When we were discussing what we were all going to eat, my friend started telling me that I never eat and that one meal a day isn’t enough. I don’t know where this came from, but I was so embarrassed. I mean, I guess I could interpret it as caring if she hadn’t been so rude about it. I felt like everyone was attacking me about a non-existent problem. I left after I finished my meal rather than hanging out with that group for the rest of the night.

    About the same time of month, I started dating this guy. He’s far from perfect, but he’s trying really hard to set his life straight. Everyone is judging him (including my best friend) because of who they think he is. He has tattoos, he smokes weed occasionally, and drinks occasionally with friends. He knows that I don’t want to get involved with weed and understands that. He doesn’t pressure me to do anything that I don’t want to do.

    Here’s my problem. After that dinner, I was really upset. I’ve been skinny my whole life and always eat when I’m hungry. The accusation really hurt me to the point where I would think about it constantly. I know I’m skinny, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Anyway, she apologized saying that she didn’t mean that I had an eating disorder (as I interpreted it), but still that “one meal a day is not enough and you need to eat more because it’s not healthy”.

    Another kick in the stomach, but I tried to ignore it. We hung out one more time. She started talking crap about my boyfriend and his friends (who are also my friends) and just being negative about everything. I wasn’t having a good time and remained relatively quite the whole night. Next thing I know, she’s mad at me because ‘I’ve changed’ since I started dating my boyfriend and she doesn’t like the changes. I tried to get them to be friends but she judged him before she even got to know him. She’s blaming me for letting him ruin our friendship, when she never even gave him a chance. If anything, the only reason I changed was because of that dinner. I can’t even begin to describe how hurt I was that my best friend would accuse me of starving myself.

    My problem now is that my friend won’t talk to me. She ignores me at work. She told me we’re not friends and that I need to grow up. ????? I feel like I should be the one that is upset…? I don’t understand where this all spun around, where I’m not the victim.

    My question is, am I being stupid? Is this whole thing worth losing a 7 year friendship? Should I remain friends with someone who makes me feel like crap or should I continue this relationship with a guy that makes me happy and tries to better himself?

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    3 Responses to Where did I go wrong?

    1. Lizzy
      February 8, 2012 at 7:32 am

      sounds to me like your friend is jealous of 1. you’re skinny (i’m guessing she’s not too happy with her body) and 2. you have a new boyfriend that takes up your time (im guessing she’s single and is looking for a boyfriend)
      i think after 7 years of friendship, she misses you and is scared this new boy will take up a lot of your time. my advice, don’t force them to be friends or hang out a lot too soon. spend equal, quality, time with each of them until things are comfortable again. then slowly have their paths cross. a night out with a group of people, not just the 3 of you. introduce her to one of his friends?
      however, if she really is a best friend, don’t let a boy who may or may not work out come between you. it’s not worth it.


    2. Lex
      February 8, 2012 at 8:54 am

      I cannot imagine losing my best friend over a guy. Whether it was her or me that was the problem, I’d do anything in my power to fix it. If you would have said ‘my best friend of 1 year’ that would be different. 7 years? That’s worth a lot more than a new boyfriend. Here’s a question to ask yourself, does your boyfriend have a problem with your best friend? If the answer is no, maybe have him talk to her kindly, make sure he keeps his cool and allow your best friend to grill him. Clearly, she wants what’s best for you. Tell her that the reason youve been acting different is because she has been very unsupportive and she really hurt you with that public eating disorder comment. Who cares you already talked about it once, if it’s still bothering you then bring it up again. Also, remember there are two sides to every story. Just as you don’t see what you could have done wrong, she probably doesn’t see what she could have done wrong. Get together and talk, really talk. Dont yell and immediately throw out accusations left and right, talk. Keep your cool. This relationship is worth saving. Last thing, honesty is the best policy. Good luck, I wish you all the best! I know how terrible it is to fight with a friend and be torn inbetween two people. Not fun, at all. Hang in there


    3. Queen of the Pirates
      February 8, 2012 at 8:46 pm

      Here’s my advice. Your friend is just worried about you, trust me I know how it is. My friends used to call me and my twin sister anorexic all the time because we’re skinny She’s 82 lbs and I’m 105lbs. It’s a label people give all skinny people when the fact is, I can eat an entire medium pizza by myself and still not gain weight. This also kind of depends on if you really do only eat one meal a day and how much you eat. If you don’t eat breakfast or lunch but eat a lot for dinner its not as bad. Your friend is just worried about your health its a normal thing.

      As for your boyfriend. Your friend misses you. Maybe you’ve been spending a lot of time with him. I know what its like to feel abandoned by my best friend it hurt she was always spending time with other people and I got crazy jealous and felt like she tossed me aside but she didnt even know.

      You should just sit down and talk it all out with her. If she’s really your friend she will agree to talk to you. If not than she wasn’t a good friend to begin with. Hope this helps.



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