• Throughout the course…

    by  • February 7, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Doubt • 3 Comments

    I have stumbled upon some doubts.

    It’s been a long time since we met. I fell fast, and I fell hard. But you, you were always different. You took your time, tested the waters, and kept your options open. Oh, the many, many options you decided to keep open(and that you continue to keep open). I was always faithful, not only did I love you, but I thought you deserved it. I never imagined that I was in fact the one that actually deserved it.

    I do believe that you love me and care for me, or rather, you believe that you love me. However, sometimes I think that the only reason you love me is because I am stable. I am stable, dependable, reliable, honest, caring. You are unreliable, schismatic, hurtful. I am good for you, and you are not good for me. Nevertheless, I love you. Or rather, I believe that I love you. I would never want to hurt you, even though I have on occasion. So I put up with certain characteristics or incidents that I never would have before. Because I don’t want to hurt you.

    Lately I have been lying in bed next to you, wondering where I would be without you. Whether I would be happy, or more successful, or if I would have someone else… someone better. I think the answer is “yes” to all of these questions. And I feel terrible and guilty, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking these things. I want someone who will treat me properly, not like a possession. I’m only 20, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t actually appreciate me and who actually wants to be with me.

    But for some reason…I can never seem to tell you. I feel like I’m just making a huge mistake.

    3 Responses to Throughout the course…

    1. Brenna
      February 7, 2012 at 10:58 pm

      We all have doubts sometimes. The problem here is that you are doubting yourself! Don’t do what is easy, do instead what is right.
      You are at ease with this person but not your own faults and feelings. Herewithin is the problem. It seems like you need to develop footing to come up with something that you are wanting to change and to do it. Sometimes we have to hurt others it is a fact of life even so unintentionally. To be honest, you are doubting yourself and your actions this means that you are actually lying and being unfaithful to yourself. You will find that this has more to do with you and less to do with her. I am willing to bet that even if you had the most cool, sexy, smart person for a mate, you would still have these feelings of inadequacy if that makes sense.

      Make it right with yourself first.


    2. Ashley
      February 10, 2012 at 6:15 pm

      Brenna, I don’t really think that your comment has anything to do with this…I’m assuming that when he says “options” he means other men. So, she was cheating on him. So his “feelings of inadequacy” aren’t really the problem here….maybe you should read the actual post before you comment.

    3. reader
      February 11, 2012 at 5:18 am

      I’ve read several posts about ‘who deserves love’ and ‘who doesn’t deserve love’. Not my place to say if any PERSON “deserves” love or not, not even my self so im not following that one quite.

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