This is for you. You’ll probably never read this, but if you do, you’ll know it’s from me.
I don’t even know where to start.
You tell me I’m complicated, and that you keep trying to figure me out.
But damnit babe, YOU’RE the complicated one.
I know you love me. You’ve told me before. And then it’s like you never said it, and when I say it, you fluff it off. Yeah, you’re scared. I get it. So am I. Especially in the situation we’re in. It’s so beyond complicated. So fucked up.
One minute I’m head-over-heels for you. You and that smile. The way you stay up talking to me at night until one of us falls asleep. The way you hint that we’ll be together forever. The way you say the most adorable, romantic things that make my heart melt and my smile last all day.
But the next minute I think that you’re only saying that stuff and acting that way because you’re expected to, not because you want to, or mean it. Because sometimes, you’re a fucking arrogant son-of-a-bitch. Like when you make fun of the things I love the most. That pisses me off more than anything. And then I become a pain-in-the-ass Super Bitch and you tell me I’m an emotional roller coaster, when really- like seriously -you’re a fucking emotional TIDAL WAVE.
But I don’t care. Because I do love you. I love you, and I wish more than anything that you could hug me, and hold me. That we could kiss passionately, and lie next to each other and just look at each other. That’s all I want. I just want to be with you. I want to be able to hold your hand, and talk to you without looking through a computer screen. I want to be able to breathe you in, and wear your sweaters when I go to sleep. I want to do crazy, stupid shit with you, because that’s just who we are. No regrets, just love. Because we get each other. As much as we say we don’t, we totally understand each other.
And I’m gonna quote The Notebook now, not that you would care. You would probably say that’s such a gay movie and make fun of me for crying and say “period much?” and I would get pissed at you, because you would be right. Whatever. Yeah, I know you hate it when I say whatever, but seriously, WHATEVER.
“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.”
Because it’s the hardest thing in the universe to be in love with someone who you’ve never even met in person. Who you can’t be with, can’t hold, can’t kiss. Nothing. But it doesn’t matter. Because we’ll be together someday. We might move on and meet new people and have boyfriends and girlfriends for who knows how long. But when that day comes. When that opportunity arises. I’ll drop everything just to be with you. And I know you’ll do the same.
I want you to know that. Because this is for you. This is all for you.