• The Distace is Tearing Me Apart

    by  • February 7, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Whoever would have thought that distance could hurt so much? Why did I let myself get tangled up in this mess? You’re great, you really are and I definitely think you’re worth all of it. The hard part is that I feel like I’m more invested in this than you are. I don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling and this uncertainty is killing me. I know this is still new, but I’m so worried that you will give up on me before we even get the chance to see where things will lead between us. I feel like I’m the only one putting in any effort here and I know a lot of that has more to do with your crazy schedule, but it would still be nice to feel some sort of reassurance. This second visit was different. I feel you slowly slipping through my fingers like I’m already losing you before you were truly mine. I don’t know what to do. It hurts. I feel like I need to try to remain as unattached as possible in order to protect myself, but that’s hard to do. How are you dealing with this? I think what makes it even more difficult is that all of these strong feelings came so quickly.

    Our relationship did not begin like normal relationships do and it is progressing so much differently. Most relationships don’t start off as long-distance and I don’t know how to go about this. I don’t know how to keep you interested. I don’t even know how to keep myself interested sometimes. It’s the most difficult for me right after I come back from visiting you. Then the pain slowly fades and I start to think I would be alright if things didn’t work out because the reminder that it failed would be so far away. Maybe I’ll be ok. Maybe I’m overreacting and just being emotional right now, but I feel like we could really be something real if we could just have a chance. If you could give us our best shot at working this out together I know it would be something special. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know anyone who I can relate to.

    Who knows, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe if we lived in the same city we still wouldn’t work out, but at least then I would know for sure that it was really us and not the distance. I hope you’ll give me a chance. I hope you’ll really try at this. I know you’re a good guy, but I really hope that you’re not using me. I’m already more attached than I should be. It was crazy how we met and I’m really glad we did. You say it was fate that brought us together just because the circumstances were so crazy. Maybe it’s the opposite though. Maybe this wasn’t supposed to happen because the circumstances were so crazy. I really hope I’m wrong. Please, please just don’t give up on me yet. Give it some more time and hopefully we’ll discover that you were right. If you already know though, please don’t lead me on any longer and please don’t try to sugarcoat the blow. I hope this is just me being insecure right now. I really want to be wrong about this because I really want us to work. I’m willing to try as long as you are.

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